Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Do Only VALUE Voters Have VALUES?

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American citizens who categorize themselves as so called Values Voters have to be the single most hypocritical, self righteous sacks of human waste currently in existence. What does it say about the so called values these voters claim exclusivity over that allows them to believe they're better than anybody else. No individuals or people who express their individuality by banding with other like minded people have the right to claim moral superiority over anybody. I encourage people to academically strive to be the most educated, the most charitable and most importantly, the best person they can be but keep your morality in your pants with your other shortcomings.

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It would be one thing if people allowed their beliefs to guide them into becoming better people, but the exact moment you impart those beliefs unto others in the form of superiority, you immediately go from respectable contributor to disreputable phony. If the only way you can feel better about yourself is by feeling superior to another, you have nothing to feel good about.

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If you either have HBO or can access HBO through another route, Friday nights at 11:00 pm eastern time should be spent either watching or using a TiVo to record Bill Maher. If you don't know who he is, you might want to change that. He has an intelligent, satirical and clever way of talking about the week's events with educated panelists from all walks of life. A regular feature of the program is his New Rules segment at the conclusion of each 60 minute show. Here is Bill's take on Value Voters from the October 19th show. I can say with a certain moral certitude, you'll enjoy it....

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If the choice in '08 is between Rudy and Hillary, "values voters" must do the Christian thing and choose Hillary. Of course, I think all religion is nuts, but at least she practices it the way Jesus suggested: privately. Like a Dick Cheney energy meeting.

Plus, she's raised an admirable daughter, while Rudy's kids couldn't hate him more if they were New York City firefighters.

And let's not forget, Hillary didn't commit adultery. Her husband did. And afterwards, she did the Christian thing and forgave him. And then she had a GPS unit implanted in his penis. But the important thing is, she forgave him!

Now, I bring all this up because this weekend in Washington is the "Values Voters Convention." Three days of peace, love and hypocrisy. Where the Republican frontrunners will spend the week kissing the asses of 2,000 social conservatives who despise liberals, homosexuals, Muslims, Mexicans and Nobel Prize winners. And who believe the sound of a condom wrapper being opened makes angels die.

It's kind of like a "Star Trek" convention, only the virgins are angry--and they think outer space is just a theory. So, Ann Coulter, if you've got any more "f@ggot" jokes, this is the room for you.

But - but, here's something I learned while indulging one of my traditional values, reading. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the states with the most conservative Christians have the highest rates of divorce, the highest teen pregnancy rates and the highest obesity levels. Yes, they're fat, knocked up and not talking to each other--but, at least they put homosexuality back where it belongs: in the airport men's room.

Now, I know what you "values voters" are saying right now: "Why would we listen to you, Bill Maher? You're a bachelor from heathen California. What do you know about family values?" Well, I know enough not to get married and live in Kansas.

And I know that if you can look at the war in Iraq, the melting environments and the descent of America into "idiocracy," and still think our biggest problems are boobies during the Super Bowl and the "war on Christmas," then you don't have values, you have issues.

If you had "values," you'd draw the line at torture. But a startling number of people who call themselves Christians don't. And I'm pretty sure if you asked, "What would Jesus veto," it wouldn't be health care for sick kids.

Why, it's almost like "values voters" don't really believe Jesus was right about anything. [in mock attack ad voice] "Jesus Christ: wrong on gays, wrong on taxes, wrong on torture, and wrong for America."
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Amen to values.............

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