Thursday, September 6, 2007

Republican Hypocrisy Has No Boundaries!

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Soon to be, or will he be ex-Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig "voluntarily" announced on September 1st, or did he, that he was resigning his Senate seat, effective September 30th. Yeah, the Restroom Romeo's resignation conjured up the same voluntary tone that soon to be ex-Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, soon to be ex-Atlanta Falcon quarterback Michael Vick and already hanged by the neck until dead former President of Iraq, Saddam Hussein's voluntary resignations all did at their farewell press conferences.

It's equally ridiculous to think for one second that Craig resigned of his own free will any more than he was bending over to pick up a strange sheet of toilet paper from a public restroom floor. I mean, come on, I'm not always the benchmark for that old adage of "Cleanliness is next to Godliness", but the only way I would bend over to pick up a foreign sheet of restroom toilet paper would be, at a minimum, if there was a genuine one thousand dollar bill attached to said sheet.

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SENATOR LARRY CRAIG'S DOG

Before actually picking it up, I would first need to be outfitted with a custom made hazmat suit, a pair of those astronaut gloves, an industrial strength gas mask, armed with the proverbial ten foot sanitized pole with stainless steel tongs on the end, and a fifty-five gallon drum of professional grade lysol disinfectant. Then, before undertaking this high risk challenge, I would have to do some serious soul searching about how much do I really need this money. But not Larry "Naughty Boy" Craig, without batting an eye, he just reached his hand under an occupied, adjoining stall to scoop up this sheet of unknown toilet paper. Was this guy really a United States Senator, or a closet men's room attendant?

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This whole sordid episode needs to be flushed, but first, allow me to get to the real point of this text book example of Republican hypocrisy at it's true essence. The Republican Party in the very recent past has become all too familiar in dealing with SEX SCANDALS by their holier than thou, bible thumping, family value sacks of noxious gas members. In the past calendar year alone, Florida Republican Congressman Mark Foley, Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter and Idaho's own Lavatory Larry have been charged with lewd behavior with Congressional Pages under the age of consent, frequenting illegal houses of prostitution and now, soliciting sex in a public restroom from an undercover policeman.
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On the surface, these cases all seem to be connected with a common thread, but if you look just below the surface, you'll see Republican Hypocrisy 101 in action. Congressman Foley was forced into rehab and resignation because his crime was talking sexually to young BOYS. Foley previously misrepresented himself as the Republican poster boy for family values. He was proven to be a lying hypocrite whose idea of family values was in initiating cybersex with underage boys over the internet. David Vitter, despite finally admitting after he was exposed, so to speak, that he cheated on his wife, that he frequented illegal houses of prostitution and paid women monies in exchange for sexual activity, remains in office. Larry Craig, as previously notated, had his career and future life in Republican politics flushed down an airport mens room in Minnesota for attempting to "pick up" a male undercover cop and not a sheet of toilet paper.

Two homosexual sexcapades actors were forced to resign. One heterosexual member who had an illegal encounter of pay per sex is still preaching morality, albeit in a somewhat more subdued tone, since he was caught with his pants down. But stay tuned, there's more. Larry Craig comes from RED STATE Idaho. They elect democrats to statewide offices about as often as George W. Bush tells the truth. They have a Republican Governor who is their "Decider" when it comes to a replacement for Craig. Think he might pick another Republican to finish out the last year of Larry's term? Mostly BLUE STATE Louisiana has a Democratic Governor. Had the Republican Party forced Vitter to resign like they did with Craig, their "Decider" would have in all likelihood selected a Democrat to finish out Prostitute Pete's term. The Republicans would have lost a highly valued seat in the Senate. I'm not fond of this expression, but you do the math.

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The Republican Family Value Phonies use morality like a male dog uses a fire hydrant. When it feeds their hunger for power, their morality is right up there with mom, baseball and apple pie. But when that hunger has already been fed, as in the case of the stacked deck in Idaho, their morality is about as genuine as a $3 bill. These hypocrites always do what's best. Best for them that is, not for you, not for your family and certainly not for your country. Since they won't look out for you, YOU need to look out for you. You need to look directly into their deceitful, hypocritical eyes when they ask for your support. But instead of your support, offer them a sheet of toilet paper instead. On that sheet, write down the phone number of the nearest unemployment office and wish them good luck. The best part of that will be, you won't really mean it........

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