Saturday, November 17, 2007

Barry Bonds is a Foul Ball of a Human Being

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Right off the top of my naturally sized head, I feel strongly there are three acts a human being should NEVER commit. Firstly, never don a pair of blood soaked shorts before taking a few relaxing laps inside a shark tank. Secondly, NEVER dare to compete with George W. Bush in "the World's Dumbest Man" competition and think for one second you have a snowball's chance in hell of emerging victorious. Lastly but certainly not least, NEVER lie under oath whilst answering a few questions before federal prosecutors. Especially when said prosecutors guarantee you full and absolute immunity against self incrimination. Barry, I would urge you to read number three again. This time, read it slowly and carefully while allowing the text to seep into your enlarged melon of a chemically altered cranium.

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BEFORE AND AFTER

Barry Bonds, major league baseball's farcical all time home run king, was indicted earlier this week on five felony charges. Four of the five charges were for perjury and the fifth for obstruction of justice. All five offenses occurred while Bonds was testifying before a federal grand jury in 2003 that he never used anabolic steroids or a human growth hormone. The indictments were filed 100 days after Mr. Bonds passed Hank Aaron, the peoples all time home run leader. The indictment capped a four-year federal investigation into steroid use by elite athletes. Mr. Bonds has long been considered the primary target of the investigation. Seven others have pleaded guilty in the case, most recently the former Olympic sprinter Marion Jones.

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WHAT'S ROID RAGE?

The indictment contends the government can prove that a positive steroid blood test result seized in connection with an investigation of the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative belonged to Mr. Bonds. If true, this would be the first direct evidence that Mr. Bonds took steroids. Bonds' lawyer, Michael Rains, immediately called a press conference to decry prosecutors and claim his client was innocent while terming the charges “ridiculous.” Mr. Rains also said that the government made no effort to negotiate a plea deal with Mr. Bonds, 43, adding that he first learned of the indictment when he was called by a reporter. A federal judge also ordered Greg Anderson, Bonds' former trainer, to be released from jail in Dublin, Calif., yesterday afternoon. Mr. Anderson had spent more than a year in jail for contempt of court for refusing to testify to the grand jury about Mr. Bonds. Anderson’s lawyer, Paula Canny, said it was “mean-spirited” to have kept Mr. Anderson in jail if the government did not need his testimony to indict. Why would a person spend more than a year in jail for refusing to offer testimony that would clear his good friend unless he was looking to avoid the same charges leveled against Bonds?

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BABE'S STEROIDS WERE HOT DOGS AND BEER

To illustrate the clarity of these charges, let everyone understand that Bonds is not being charged with shooting anabolic steroids and human growth hormones into his body. Bonds was once a lean and graceful athlete blessed with all the necessary attributes to be a perennial all-star caliber player. He was also a near sure bet of being inducted into baseball's Hall of Fame immediately after the five year waiting period had expired once Bonds retired from the game. This wasn't enough for Bonds. His few friends and confidants shared information that Bonds grew increasingly frustrated watching what he believed were inferior players posting more impressive power statistics that he was. It has long been baseball's dirty little secret that many players were using steroids and hormones to bulk up additional body mass and muscle that would prove the difference from long fly ball outs to those same balls now flying over the fence.

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Looking at Bonds specifically, however, the numbers are irrefutable. It's a documented medical fact that men reach their peak strength between 28 and 30 years of age. In Bonds' first 13 years as a major league ballplayer, Bonds averaged a home run every 16.2 at bats. Those numbers began when Bonds was 23 years of age until he was 36. When a man is a 36 year old politician, businessman or medical professional to name a few, he is regarded as youthful. When you're a professional athlete, however, 36 places you in the declining twilight days of your career category. It was a widely agreed upon fact that Bonds began his steroid and growth hormone period in 1999 as a 36 year old player with the San Francisco Giants. Between the years of 1999 and 2004, when Bonds would turn 41, his home run frequency production more than doubled, now averaging a homer every 8.2 at bats. In 2001, after being chemically injected for two years, the 38 year old Bonds hit a home run every 6.5 at bats. This is a staggering number and nearly three times as many as when Bonds was in his prime a full decade earlier. That same year, Bonds hit a major league record 73 home runs passing Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire, two other players widely associated with steroid use. You can read for yourself some additional overwhelming evidence in this article from San Francisco Chronicle reporters.

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PRISON GUARD SELECTED TO DO BONDS' CAVITY SEARCH

Bonds asserts he thought vitamins and supplements were being injected into his ass. I guess the fact that his head increased a hat size and his body changed from a thin wiry physique to a body building hulk figure never challenged his curiosity. That defense might work more for our current president then for a professional athlete whose body is his moneymaker. The best part of the whole sordid chapter in this story is, A. Bonds didn't need drugs, he was already one of the game's top players and B. he could have avoided this five count indictment by just admitting what he did to the federal prosecutors. The Feds don't indict unless they're a minimum 99% certain "they got ya." Bonds is too arrogant and bitter to admit he lied now. He would rather go to prison than acknowledge he cheated and lied. Well Barry, be careful what you wish for as they say. Bonds' next home run over the wall will not be retrieved by a fan, but instead by a prison guard......






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