Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Time to Stop Spinning and Start Winning!


I choose to primarily focus today on the democratic race for the nomination of President of the United States more so than the republican race. Besides, it's almost a fait accompli that aging Arizona Senator, John "Jolly Jowls" McCain, has all but wrapped up the republican nomination with his string of Super Tuesday primary victories. I somewhat admire the republicans who actually went to their polling places on Tuesday and were forced to view the names of McCain, Romney, Huckabee and Paul and pull their lever rather than their brains through their ears. I mean seriously, the collective personalities of that "fab four" is equivalent to a bucket of goat tripe and a six pack of warm beer. Super Tuesday came with much fanfare and left without finishing the nomination process it was designed to do. The race will continue, as will the hopes of millions of Americans, for our country to finally take that giant leap forward rather than stagnate in the mistakes of the past.

Right now I'm sure like millions of other educated, intelligent citizens following the progress of the nomination process, you're up to your nostrils in the stench of "spinning" in the mid-winter air. When politicians feel the need to turn on the electorate with the mind numbing din of non-stop spin, I simply lunge for the remote control mute button. I accept the principle of "no crying in baseball" but I completely dismiss that condescending notion of the same theory in politics. There is after all, crying in politics. No matter how bad things get out there on the campaign trail, a member of the trailing team refuses to shed a tear, but instead, propagandizes the most devastating results with the best possible lighting. It's one thing to want to remain positive when the ill winds of defeat are howling at your door, but when paid professionals go to new highs by reaching new lows, turning major defeats into momentous victories, you need to step back and replace the important member yanked from within your very socket.

The very people this constant barrage of smiley faces is designed to influence must accept a large share of the blame. Some of my suggestions to alleviate this mess include the following. Do NOT talk to any pollsters via phone or in person. Pollsters provide no real benefit to you, the home voter. If you suffer from Bush - Clinton Disease and want your doctor to prescribe what's right for you, go to the polls and vote. If you're a busy captain of industry and don't have time to stand on line with the huddled masses, get an absentee ballot and just vote. You may even want to send a large monetary contribution to Senator Obama. This is easily accomplished by making a check payable to Obama for President or via a credit card. If someone calls you and wants your input as to whom your voting for and why, a simple, straight to the point, two word response let's the pollster comprehend with clarity that you prefer not discussing the situation with him. I won't share the expression verbatim, but I can tell you the second word is YOU.

It's time to be an adult and make up your mind already for God's sakes. People buy expensive houses, cars and jewelry with less consternation. Your vote is important, but it shouldn't be the the most thought provoking, anguished decision of your lifetime. It's not, do I get that potentially life saving, experimental multi organ transplant or do I vote for Obama. Fortunately it doesn't come to that. I think it's so funny when you see a 30 or 60 second commercial where the candidate describes their own life in the most glowingly, inspirational terms with emotional music softly playing in the background and the most spectacular imagery HDTV has ever presented. Then at the end, the politician comes on and says, I'm Buck Naked, candidate for president and I approved this ad. Well duh, of course you approved it. You look like the greatest person that ever lived. Candidates stand at street corners or train stops in the morning to shake your hand and ask for your support. It's love at first sight. You want to join their campaign and get them elected. Until work is over that is. At that same corner or train stop, the opposing candidate is now there shaking your hand and asking for that same support you promised another eight hours earlier. You agree because you're an easily influenced slut. You're already cheating on the morning love of your life with the afternoon guy.

Paid campaign spokespersons are waiting for you in your home. They tell you everything is great, the 30% point defeat yesterday was remarkable because just 2 weeks ago, "we" were down by 31%. We're now rolling like a runaway boulder down a steep hill, or is that boulder running away up a steep hill? I'll have to get back to you on that. The bottom line is stop allowing yourself to be polled. Beware of candidates bearing hands. Learn to lunge for the remote when a spinning twerp invades your television. You should do what's best and listen to me. If your state has a primary coming up and you're a registered democrat or in some states an independent, vote for Barack Obama. Hillary Clinton and John McCain tell you 100 times each and every day how they're ready to lead from day one. My questions are simple. Where are these two relics of yesteryear leading me? Why do I even need to be led? How do two people who only tout their accomplishments of yesterday get to plan my tomorrows? When do we as a country stop cowering in fear and start boldly reaching for change? All McCain and Hillary are capable of accomplishing, is making you sorry you passed up the chance of a lifetime by not voting for Barack Obama. Look around. Your state isn't red or blue. Your neighborhood isn't liberal or conservative. Your dreams aren't black or white. You want the same thing everybody else does. Not the best spin, just the best win. You want Barack Obama.......

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