Thursday, February 21, 2008

If a Loser Gave a Speech & Nobody Heard It


Did the speech make a sound? I'm now prepared to officially declare the Classless Contessa of Polyester Pantsuits the winner of the silver medal in the 2008 democratic nomination for President of the United States. She will play Ed McMahon to Barack Obama's Johnny Carson. She will be the bridesmaid to the bride. She will be the Karl Rove to George W. Bush. She will be the George W. Bush to Dick Cheney. She will be the every cliche number two to the every cliche number one. It's time to stick a fork in the toast, because the toast is the second banana. The 2008 World Series and Superbowl of politics is all set to be played and Hillary has been dispatched to the presidential penalty box along with Romney, Giuliani, Edwards, Kucinch, et al. No presidential soup for you Hillary. No brass ring. No big enchilada. No new china patterns selected by First Laddie, hillBILLy Clinton. It's all over but the shouting. So the question we're left to ask is: What exactly do you plan on shouting and just how long do you plan on shouting it?

The symbolic presidential coffin of Hillary Clinton still has room for a few more nails after Tuesday night's primaries in Wisconsin and Hawaii. But those limited spots should vanish after voters in Texas and Ohio have their say on March 4th. Obama, by virtue of ten straight primary victories, has taken a commanding 1,168 - 1,018 lead in locked in, committed pledged delegates. The borderline corrupt third world like process of uncommitted superdelegates right now favors Hillary by a 282 - 216 margin. So overall Obama leads Clinton by a count of 1,384 - 1,300. A total of 2,025 delegates are needed to clinch the nomination. When push comes to shove, I have to believe in an election process as transparent as this one is, no major political party would dare undermine the will of the people and allow 795 smoked up and back room hotshots to usurp the will of millions of primary voters and caucus attendees. I believe such an act would destroy the democratic party and in effect set up a monarchy for the republicans.

So with Texas and Ohio finding themselves as the potential decisive battlefields remaining, what will Team Hillary do should they be defeated in both primaries less than two weeks from now? They could ignore reality and continue with their deceitful stratagem of spinning and cooking the books to make it appear that Obama is not even close to officially sewing up the nomination or they could stall and delay by claiming they can win the last big state of Pennsylvania on April 22nd. They could also rehash how they won primary contests that never officially even took place in Michigan and Florida. I'm convinced election officials in Florida become hopelessly confused and borderline encephalopathic when they must count more than one vote. The bottom line is now and shall remain, that due to the nature of States proportionally designating delegates, Hillary would have to win the rest of the available states by a minimum of a two to one margin. That would seem an impossible task for a candidate that has been electorally trounced in ten consecutive primaries and caucuses since Super Tuesday.

Depending on your personal point of view, you have to either marvel at Hillary's chutzpah, derisively shake your head and roll your eyes in mock laughter, or maybe even feel a certain empathy for this woman who was conducting a detailed inventory of her chickens during the initial egg stage. The more she loses, the more she claims victory. The wider the margins of those defeats, the more elaborate the excuses become. The more occurrences where gracious humility is called for, the more maliciously negative her rhetoric becomes. If this campaign were a boxing match, any decent human would be urging the referee to step in and stop the battle before irreparable brain damage were to take place to a virtually defenseless combatant.

Tuesday night, just moments after the polls closed in Wisconsin, all the major news organizations rushed to proclaim Barack Obama the official winner over Hillary Clinton as he rolled to his ninth straight victory. Protocol dictates the loser come before the cameras first and graciously congratulate the victor on their hard earned win and if feasible, announce your plans for the next battle ahead. Not our Hillary, however. Her staff managed to assemble a cheering throng of supporters to feverishly whoop it up for her as Hillary awkwardly smiled like a bad actress showing glee. She also applauded the supporters as she rhythmically pointed into the crowd as if she's identifying a potential felon in a police lineup. She then looks to the camera and makes her canned stump speech about how great things are, comments completely devoid of reality.

Much to their credit,Team Obama finally had enough. Less than ten minutes into her delusional rantings, Senator Obama took a different stage in a different state to offer an actual interpretation of reality. A truthful one in fact. All the news networks immediately cut to Obama, leaving Hillary all alone with zero media coverage congratulating herself as she rehashed the ready from day one crap, the 35 years of experience bit, and the assorted so on and on and on and on pablum. But this time nobody heard her because all eyes and ears were focused on Senator Obama. So, much like the age old question of whether a tree falling in the woods make a sound if nobody hears it, did anybody wonder how another loss translates into another victory if nobody heard it? If I were you, I wouldn't worry. Hillary, I'm sure, will make the same speech on March 4th. I would much rather sit in the woods, however, and listen for the proverbial tree to fall. Even if I hear nothing at all, it will be significantly more worthwhile than anything I hear from Hillary......

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