NOW - Shut Up, Look Around and Listen!

Is this what you self-important gals really want? You prefer we men just shut up, look pretty and flex our beef burgers? I suppose life would drastically improve if we did just shut up and look pretty. I, however, refuse. I'm the equal of most any woman not just in the country, but the city as well.. I am man, here me roar. In numbers too big to ignore. Yes maam, I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science. So tell me, who should I strive to emulate, Helen Reddy or Ron Burgundy? That's 24 carat stupidity. Everybody knows the only true path to enlightenment is by living your life just like 74 year old Gloria Steinem or 54 year old NOW President, Kim Gandy. By the way, have you ever seen a photo of Kim Gandy? She is the spitting image of Tom Hanks in drag. It's actually quite chilling. But enough about skin deep beauty, let's get to the real meat and potatoes of this piercingly, rock hard conundrum.

I keep trying to remember the country is officially listed as the United States of America. Yeah, this country is about as united as a breakfast of Hebrew National salami, mixed in a heaping bowl of scrapple served Yom Kippur morning in a Mosque. In fact, I don't think this country has been so unified since that minor dust up at Fort Sumter, South Carolina in April of 1861. It seems the only common thread uniting our 50 states is our overwhelming contempt and downright disrespect for each other as fellow human beings. Republicans and Democrats don't get along, liberals and conservatives, red staters and blue staters, blacks and whites, blacks and Latinos, Lou Dobbs and Latinos, gays and straights, evangelicals and well adjusted human beings who think for themselves, men and women and the National Organization of Women and anything or anyone sporting a couple of testicles.

I remember seeing a comic book when I was a young, innocent boy about this amazonian like assassin known as Typhoid Mary. The comic book was mostly being used as a device to shield hidden Playboys in the back of a closet of a good friend's "punch first, ask questions later" maladjusted older brother. As an impressionable ten year old boy, I was startled by Mary's appearance. She was an alter ego man pummeling machine that could beat the stuffing out of any guy. I was assured this was a fictional character and nobody like her existed in real life. Now that I saw Kill Bill parts I and II along with some of the NOW spokeswomen, I'm not so sure that's true. I've come to learn if you don't support Hillary Clinton's presidential bid, it's only because you're a woman hating sexist ass. I mean after all, no normal human being could possibly prefer another candidate, disagree with her political views, be sick to death of her Arkansas hound dog of a husband, hillbilly Clinton, or just feel it would be a welcome change for the occupant of the White House not to have a last name of Bush or Clinton for the first time in 20 long years.

I personally can't stand Hillary Clinton for a number of reasons. I would be willing, if needed to swear under oath, that none of those reasons are gender based. I don't dislike John McCain because he's a woman. I don't laugh at Mitt Romney because he whines like a schoolgirl, I don't roll my eyes at Mike Huckabee because he gives the impression of being a backwoods goober whose idea of gourmet cuisine is a squirrel cooked in a popcorn popper (well, that's not true, I do roll my eyes because he is a backwoods goober who would be a better character in the Beverly Hillbillies than as president) and I don't support Barack Obama simply because he's an inspirational African-American man. I support him because he's the best and brightest candidate for president I've seen in my lifetime. I think after 20 long years of gridlock between waring factions of this country, he's the one person that can begin the arduous task of reuniting these "ununited states" we are a part of.

Hey NOW, if you have evidence there is sexist fungus among us, by all means present all evidence supporting your case. If you don't, just shut up sweeties. You're your own worst enemies. Political correctness is sometimes proper but lighten up toots. Watch a commercial on U.S. television nowadays. If the script calls for one of the actors to be a dullard, said dullard MUST be a caucasian male. No company in this country would dare show a black male idiot or a female idiot of any race for palpable fear of Al Sharpton or Kim Gandy mounting a soap box and screaming BOYCOTT at the top of their lungs. An extraterrestrial watching TV would think this country is loaded with white male imbeciles. He, She or It would be right of course. But idiocy is not restricted. It's inclusive to all races and genders. If you truly want equality, you have to take the bad with the good, not just the good. The real world doesn't have separate male and female tee locations on the golf course of life.

For what it's worth, I sincerely hope we do have a female president one day soon in this country. It's not like she has to be perfect. Look at what we have now. You think W. should pull out of Iraq before it's too late? I only wish his father would have employed that same foresight with Barb mere seconds before the horror of W's conception. Let's base our opinions of people on substance rather than this sickening perception of group against group. Americans have to cease engaging in every petty argument under the sun. We spend our days patting our own backs while stabbing the backs of those we disagree with. Maybe if we did shut up, look around and listen, we might see the world starting to pass us by. I think we would be better served discussing how to reunite us, than by arguing how to further split us apart....