Friday, February 15, 2008

Let's All Get Together and Observe This!!!

peeping tom

I overwhelmingly agree with the modern day John Bartlett of Bartlett's Quotations fame, Yogi Berra, who once profoundly stated, "You can observe a lot by just watching." The Yogi sure said a mouthful with that one. I believe the deeper you look into a person, the shallower they appear. The Chinese have designated 2008 as the Year of the Rat. I am satisfied with that but would be equally happy dubbing 2008 as the Year of the Weasel. Try and imagine we are still nearly nine months away from voting for the man, antediluvian or pantsuit that will become our 44th president and lead the free world for at least the next four years. The more you watch and listen to some of these politicians, the less you retain. But some of their rhetoric is so pathetic, so hypocritical and so self serving you don't know whether to vomit or hysterically laugh. While you're either deciding or performing one or both of the aforementioned options, feel free to read on.

Senator John McCain, the soon to be official republican nominee, is a straight shooter, a maverick, a moderate, a conservative, a whatever will get him a vote and a partridge in a pear tree. He became the republican nominee by beating a man he clearly loathes named Willard "Mitt" Romney. Willard the CEO and Mitt the candidate decided paying over $1 million per pledged delegate was not cost effective. His kids were afraid their depleted inheritance might force them to drive a greyhound bus instead of daddy's campaign bus. But the one positive in this cesspool of politics 101 was the fact that Johnny Mac and MittFlop loved each other about as much a suede blazer loves sleet. But there they were together on the same stage pledging their eternal love for one another while Mitt was endorsing McCain for president. I was waiting for the two of them to walk off the stage hand in hand, french kissing one another to the theme of Love Story playing softly in the background.

Speaking of hypocritical hand puppets, that leads us to Gomer and Goober's inbred cousin, Mike Huckabee. The Huckmeister lived up to his nickname today by taking a day off from his moronic yet futile presidential bid for his republican nomination by making an important policy speech in the Cayman Islands. Did I write the Cayman Islands? Oh my God, I did. I understand the wealthy caribbean nation rarely gets to see let alone hear a genuine current doofus and former Arkansas Governor give a speech, but that all changed today. Huck was paid in real currency to address a group of young Cayman professionals today. Professional whats? Doctors, Lawyers, Wrestlers or Sausage Stuffers? The entire concept is mind boggling. Huckabee defended himself by saying the reason he did this was because as a taxpayer, he was in effect paying Senators Obama, Clinton, and McCain's salaries as they were gallivanting across the country campaigning for the very job he wanted. Where I agree that America is heading towards hell in a handbasket, we're not there yet, so Huckabee should stick to giving foreign soil speeches. I understand his next speech is tentatively scheduled for Mississippi where he will discuss the practicality of inbreeding and 1001 ways to have fun with squirrels before eating them.

Did somebody say squirrels? Hillary Clinton, come on down. You're our next contestant on Oy Vey, Check Please. Hillary and team Clinton are no longer touting she's ready on day one to lead. She's no longer battle tested and tough. She's no longer the candidate with 35 years of experience and she's not going to cry no matter how mean everybody in the world is to her. She now is the SOLUTION candidate. I mean really, she can speechify as good as Obama if she wanted to. She could inspire generations of people voting for the first time if she wanted to. She could remind people of JFK if she wanted to. Hell, she could change the tired old ways of the past if she wanted to. But she doesn't want to. She's the SOLUTION candidate. You got a problem. Hillary got a solution. You got bills, Hillary got a solution. You being foreclosed, Hillary will give you a solution. You have a solution, Hillary has a solution for that too. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are a country of 300 million people. If McCain, Huckabee and Clinton are vying , we will be dying. I couldn't resist the rhyme, forgive me.

But seriously folks, 20 straight years of Bushes and Clintons and you want to sign on for eight more years? That's not solution, that's pollution. Barack Obama may not be perfect but the other choices aren't either. Nobody running has experience as president. But at least Obama offers a fresh start, fresh hope, fresh ideas and fresh air. Old people with experience think they know everything. They think because they support a political party, they are qualified to lead all the people. If that's the case, they're not thinking at all. They're supporting only themselves. If that's all you want, that's all you'll get. You have to want more to get more. I want the best. I want Barack Obama.....

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