Monday, February 4, 2008

Bill & Dick Shoot Each Other In The Face


The Bill and Dick Show or is it the The Dick and Bill Show? Whoever gets top billing doesn't really matter very much. As disturbing as it may seem, these seemingly polar opposites could just possibly wind up playing the same part in the same production. Throughout history there have been numerous examples of a concept known simply as the "Power Behind the Thrown." This is, of course, where an individual or group informally exercises the real power of an office. A perfect example of this takes place behind the scenes of the current White House. Love him, hate him or just plain indifferent towards him, no person with a functioning and objective brain can really believe George W. Bush is the brains of the government. This is a guy who has legitimate difficulty stringing an intelligible sentence together. He's not even allowed to eat a pretzel unless secret service agents and Dr. Henry Heimlich are in the room. I personally don't believe him capable of ad-libbing flatulence at a hot turkey and baked bean eating contest. He is the president alright, but in name only.

The power behind this facade is Vice President Dick Cheney. The Great White Quail Hunter, as he is affectionately known, will probably best be remembered for mistaking a 78 year old Texas attorney for a six ounce quail and then proceeding to shoot him square in his gizzard. What a marksman. If only Cheney wasn't so busy with "other priorities" when he was eligible for military service in the 60's. In his defense, the right wing reject was busy as a husband and father to a future lesbian. I personally have no bone to pick with lesbians, but Dick and his merry band of intolerant Nazi sympathizers certainly do. That is until it affects them personally. But whether you loathe Dick Cheney or just hate him, there's no denying the fact that he plays Giupetto to Bush's Pinocchio. Cheney's greatest talent is his ability to pull the strings while Bush speechifies about himself being the decider. I am convinced the only way Bush could decipher the answer of what ten + eleven is, would be by unzipping his pants. Instead, Bush presents himself as military strategist, an economist capable of running up a $9 trillion debt, a foreign affairs expert, a domestic policy theorist, an education genius and simply put, the most intelligent scholar with a room temperature IQ in history.

Bush is not smart enough to be this stupid. But Dick Cheney and his hand picked fourth reich cabal have proved beyond a doubt they are. Now that this administration is about to disintegrate in flaming ignominy, it seems a percentage of the US population is willing to sit through a second act of this farce we call the executive branch. President Hillary Clinton? The mere thought of that would send a chill down my spine even if i was swimming naked in the globally warmed polar ice cap. The woman who touts her 35 years of experience, but never actually says what that specific experience is, wants to be president more than a dog wants a bone. She is the least substantive person to come along since George W. Bush. I so hate to toot my own horn but beep beep here it goes. Hillary wants to be president primarily to fulfill her own colossal ego. She feels she has been chosen by the Gods to be the first woman president, to be remembered in perpetuity as first, she will govern by the polls, she will do and say anything in her first term for the sole purpose of securing a second term. She's a brighter version of George Bush in estrogen laden pantsuits. But like her more dim witted predecessor, she too has a power occupying her throne.

William Jefferson Clinton, the 42nd President of the United States, the first gentleman who publicly wants to be the first lady, is busy laying the groundwork for his return to the big White House in the 1600 block of NW Washington, D.C. Clinton, also known as the present day 61 year old hound-dog-in-chief, will be back in the saddle with no real title or job description. He will be a loose cannon roaming the halls of his greatest conquests. Maybe he can offer his wife a few suggestions of how things should really be done. He's unquestionably brighter than Bush and Cheney, but much like Hillary in 1992, he is ready, willing and able to become the co-president or power behind the throne. Can't you just see him taking a seat at a cabinet meeting or national security briefing? Offering unsolicited opinions and explaining to the eye rolling and ceiling watching administration how things were done back in his day. Will he bring up how he walked to school every day in three feet of snow and how he had to work five jobs after school just so he could enjoy a soda down at the malt shoppe? Exploiting Hillary's ego by making her think all his ideas are her ideas. The whole concept smells and the scent aint very good.

If you disagree with me, it will be easy to brush aside what I've written by saying I'm a liberal sexist. I am jealous of George W. Bush's superior intellect and vision. I only rail against Hillary because I'm a raging sexist who believes all women should be barefoot in the kitchen shooting out babies like a Pez Dispenser. That is way easy. It's also false. I would have to be a "nucular" or nuclear idiot to really feel that way. I admire bright visionary people regardless of creed, race, sex or sexual orientation. I'm just an extremely bright, well educated, brilliant caucasian guy from Florida with no discernable ego whatsoever. I just get tired of watching transparent phonies succeeding over the real deals. Imagine the past seven years if Al Gore had rightfully ascended to the presidency. I can't imagine things being anything other than significantly better than they are now. Now analyze returning the Clintons back to the future. How many times do you have hit yourself in the head with a hammer before you try a different way? Cheney and Clinton will both be remembered more for their mistakes then for their triumphs. Both Hillary and McCain tell anybody and everybody that they're ready to lead from day one. I refuse to follow either like some mindless lemming to the sea. Each of them are far closer to the end than the beginning. I want to be inspired, not led. I want to be challenged, not discouraged. What I really want the most, however, is a president ready from day one to make me forget the Clinton and Bush eras.....

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