Thursday, August 16, 2007

Meet the Candidates, Part I

The split second the last votes were counted in the 2006 elections, the 2008 presidential election race began. I'm positive there simply has to be something more intellectually debilitating than 2 full years of these walking, talking hot air balloons espousing their views, but what might that be? For now, let's just take a brief moment to peruse just some of 2008's bumper crop of candidates.

Hillary Clinton: The woman whose very definition of spontaneity are well rehearsed, focus group approved clichés, will tell anyone and everyone what a monumental mistake the Iraq War has been. In spite of that, due to some very heavy think tank analyzation, she steadfastly refuses to acknowledge her voting to approve the resolution for the war in the senate was WRONG. Hilly simply doesn't feel her personal blunder requires an admission of such on her part. In other words, the war was wrong, but whereas she may not have been right, she definitely wasn't WRONG. That's presidential logic at its finest. I also have the distinct feeling Hillary's main reason for seeking the presidency is that she feels strongly she's the only person smart enough in the country to do the job right. I honestly believe, she believes, she's 10 times the man any of her rivals are. I also shudder to think who Hillary would have in the Oval Office on cigar night.

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John McCain: The Maverick, The Outsider, The Tired Old Man. Johnny now resembles an aging flame throwing pitcher who can no longer break 85 mph on the radar gun. I can't get that ridiculous image of the old boy covered in body armor and a helmet going out shopping in an idyllic Baghdad Mall with 100 of his closest, heavily armed friends, not to mention blackhawk helicopter escorts, as well. He claimed he never felt so safe. Planet Earth to Senator Maverick, you were supposed to be shopping for bargains, not reenacting the D-Day invasion on Omaha Beach. It's a crying shame the very troops you claim to support so strongly don't have access to the same gear you did on your shop til you didn't drop day in the stores. Supporting illegal aliens pouring over the borders may not have been such a stroke of genius either. Maybe it's time to sit out these presidential elections and be a quiet maverick. People are starting to talk behind your back to your face.

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Mike Huckabee: Mike Huckabee? Oh yeah, the former obese governor now turned pudgy, obscure candidate for president. Mike is now claiming to be on top of the world because 2,500 Iowans selected his name in the recent Iowa Straw Poll Vote. I guess the old expression of whoever places 2nd in Iowa with 2,500 votes over a year before the general election is destined to be president, is true? Flip or is it Flop Romney was the only politician to even campaign there. Mike is now energized and feels the momentum is all his. Get a grip Huckleberry, I think the kid who was elected class president of my high school had more than 2,500 votes. Last I heard, he was asking customers at the trendy eatery he worked at, "would you like some delicious fries with that"? So before you contract with a moving van company to move your stuff to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, you might want to actually place first in any number of states that contains more than 4 letters and 10,000 registered voters. Oh and by the way Mike, I prefer onion rings with my juicy burrito.

Soon, many of the current field of dynamic candidates running for president will tearfully bid their supporters farewell. Eventually those supporters will respond with a resounding "huh". Hopefully, I'll be able to pay my form of tribute to them before that happens. As one of our greatest presidents and statesman once said, "
I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001. I doubt we can duplicate this kind of profound insight, but when you take a close look at what's out there, you just never know.

More to come, so stay tuned.......

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