Sunday, August 19, 2007

Cialis HARDLY Goes SOFT

Cialis hardly stops advertising either. When will the moment finally be right to stop advertising on every single news and sports program shown on broadcast television? We get it, Cialis. Your magic "little bullet" is spreading joy to the world of every erectile dysfunctional man on the planet. But what about the women. I'm worried about how the women are coping with the paradox of the hard times brought on by the very senior studmuffins they have a soft spot for.

Every time I now see these charming seniors driving 45 mph in the left lane of major interstates, or driving the same 45 mph in parking lots so they're not late for the "Early Bird" dinners at 4:30pm, hobbling around pharmacies carrying around new and improved extra strength laxatives in one hand and new and improved extra strength anti-diarrheal medications in the other, I now wonder are they too (paraphrasing Dylan Thomas), refusing to go softly into that good night.

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Cialis boasts incessantly that once the hardy older man has ingested the soft gel pill, the 30 minute countdown begins, until the massive effects of the pill can be noticed. I imagine the man softly stomping around the grounds of his fortress of solitude. Now there's 24 minutes left. What should he do I wonder. Take a shower, brush his hair, (that usually literally involves one hair) brush his teeth or perhaps more accurately, remove his teeth from a glass of water, do one singular push-up, and then kill 15 minutes attempting to get erect on his feet, so to speak. Now we're down to just 11 minutes. You can cut the tension with a butter knife. Now Superman is in the final moments of preparation. T- minus 3 minutes and counting. Time to set the mood. Pop a Montovani 8 track in, turn the lights down low, real, real low. So low in fact, you can't see two feet in front of you. You puff out your chest in pride, you've thought of everything. But wait, you're missing one little but key piece to the puzzle. Where is your queen? The lucky lady you're doing all this for. There she is in the parlor out cold asleep watching her soap operas.

You decide the time is right and make your move. For gosh sakes, it's been well over 31 minutes since the tablet of love was swallowed. You begin your final approach. You kiss her, caress her and gently run your fingers through her wig and tell her the travel agent aka the pharmacist has booked passage for two on the "Orient Love Express". She returns your loving gaze and informs you seductively, the time isn't right. She has a headache, and besides her shows are on. You cast your eyes downward and then into hers wondering what you will do in this state. She acknowledges you've got one helluva problem and you just might need to take more of a hands on approach. Oh well, still nearly 35 1/2 hours of long lasting action to go and who knows, maybe you can hit the jackpot and come down with an elevated case of priapism during that stretch.

Whew, I am so in need of taking a shower and lying down now.......


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