I Prefer my Pork Fried Barbie WITHOUT Lead!

I love Asian cuisine. Particularly Szechuan style Chinese food. I know none of you really care about my dietary pleasures, but my point will be articulated momentarily. So just sit down with a fortune cookie and relax for a few minutes.

US toymaker Mattel announced yesterday that they have recalled more than 18 million toys worldwide, the second such recall in two weeks. The cause of this massive recall is due to the fact the toys contain magnets that can easily be dislodged and swallowed by the intended users of the products, children. It was further discovered that some of these potentially life threatening toys contain lead in its paint. Children have enough problems today without the further complications brought on by consuming metal attracting magnets and lead paint chips. Lead is toxic and if ingested by young children it can cause adverse health effects, according to the CPSC. Lead paint can cause vomiting, anemia and even neurological damage.

This lack of safety precautions demonstrated by the Chinese is disgraceful enough concerning the toys, but this is far from an isolated incident. Just last month, Chinese regulators came to the conclusion that a number of cellular phone batteries they were producing had one minor defect. It seems that under "certain conditions" these batteries were BLOWING UP! You and I get annoyed by dropped calls, but batteries exploding in our ears seems to raise the bar of annoyance to a new level. Let us not forget that our close friends in China have also recently had less than favorable consumer reactions from their production standards involving toothpaste, seafood, pet food and, oh yes, exploding automobile tires. I just had this momentary vision of eating some delicious Chinese seafood salad while talking on my cell phone, as the dog was eating his pet food,and the kids were eating lead paint chips and magnets from their dolls, as we were traveling home from the tire store where I just got a helluva deal on some inexpensive Chinese exploding tires.

It would seem time for bookmakers in Las Vegas to begin assigning odds and taking bets on which Chinese made products will need to removed from shelves next. I gaze into my crystal ball and offer a few predictions of my own. I figure since automobiles, communications, personal hygiene, children's toys, delicious seafood and equally delicious pet food have already been covered, it would stand to reason that the two most important hallmarks of the American way of life would be placed in peril next, ALCOHOL and FIREARMS!

Let's be real, Americans will put up with many inconveniences associated with daily life, but if a foreign country starts messing with our beer and guns, it's WAR. We have to know the beer we're drinking to excess and the armory we're stockpiling our weapons in, are safe from poor manufacturing standards. The rest of the problems notated earlier are manageable. Everybody used to eat lead paint and rotting fish. It made you a man. If a phone blows off my ear, shoot, I got me another ear. Automotive tires blow up all the time. Don't you people ever watch NASCAR? Bad toothpaste? How does that affect me? Just don't mess with an American's ability to get wicked drunk so he can shoot first, and ask questions later........