Friday, March 7, 2008

Tough Talk Does Not Translate Into ACTION

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SWEET JESUS, HILLARY IS A MUSLIM TERRORIST!

If only Americans applied the theory that walking the walk takes precedence over talking the talk, we might actually be the greatest country on earth in practice rather than through empty words. I sometimes feel our national symbol should be one of those garish over sized We're Number 1 Foam Rubber Fingers rather than a majestically soaring bald eagle. Yes maam and yes sir, Americans can convince themselves of almost anything. The more outrageous the claim, the louder we talk and talk and talk. Because if we say it enough times and if others repeat it enough times, we eventually will believe just about anything. It's an over simplification to claim this is a result of good old fashioned stupidity, but seemingly anything will be accepted as a proven fact if it's repeated enough times. Over the years numerous psychological tests have been conducted to substantiate this phenomenon. You can conduct a variation of how this works yourself. Gather up 20 of your closest friends in one room. Tell friend #1 a totally unsubstantiated rumor and write down specifically what you asserted. Then tell friend #1 to repeat verbatim the same rumor to friend #2 and so on and so forth. I guarantee by the time friend #20 hears the rumor, it will be almost completely different from what you told friend #1.

Some of you are now asking yourself what does this prove. Thank you for asking. In the most basic terminology, even though people assimilate what you tell them, their brain will interpret the information the way it's been conditioned to process data. This is most often a reflection of their own belief system. I had told friend #1 that a photo of Barack Obama exists in which he's wearing a Muslim suicide bomber uniform and should he be elected President of the United States, he will assemble and lead a jihad known as the "Reign of Hussein" against Americans as we blissfully sleep in our beds. If your group of 20 is truly a diverse cross section of America, at least a handful of your network are now panic stricken and the last person in line has heard such a terrifying misrepresentation of the original story, he's probably driving 90 mph to the nearest gun shop to purchase his own private stash of WMD. The bottom line is, some people will laugh at the ridiculousness of this idiotic rumor you initiated, some people will laugh but surmise there could be a scintilla of truth to it, some would say "aha, I knew it" and some people are debating whether they should purchase two or three bazookas to protect their double wide from the invading horde from the middle east.

People believe what they choose to believe and that's exacerbated exponentially the more times they hear it. Even if you've paid minimal attention to this year's presidential campaigns, you've all heard how Hillary's 35 years of experience alone qualifies her to lead this country from day one. We've heard it so many times in fact, people have become Pavlovian in the manner they repeat it without even realizing they're doing it. Congratulations to you. You have drunk the kool-aid trough dry and now qualify for health care under Hillary's Automaton Healthcare Program. Before it's too late, I would suggest you take a road trip down the nearest highway and much like the average Canine-American, open your mouth and stick your head out the window to ingest maximum oxygen. Then quietly sit down with one of those delicious over-sized black and white cookies or perhaps a waffle on a stick and ask your self one minor question. Hillary's 35 years of experience doing what exactly?

First some simple math. Hillary is a 60 year old woman. My mathematic skills indicate to me this experience train she has been riding left the depot in 1973 when Hillary was 25 years of age. In the winter of '73 when the experience process began, Hillary was a 3rd year law student at Yale University. Trust me when I tell you how much is to be learned at that ivy covered bar and grill, but there are NO presidential experience law 101 classes offered. She then spent a few months studying for the Washington, D.C. and Arkansas Bar Exams. 551 of the 817 applicants or 67% taking the D.C. exam passed. Hillary, however, was one of the 266 applicants who FAILED! She did manage to pass the somewhat less prestigious Arkansas Bar Exam, but would keep the D.C. failure a closely guarded secret, even from her closest friends, for nearly 30 years. Hillary then worked as a congressional junior legal counsel. A year later, she married William "Fidelity" Clinton and relocated to Little Rock, Arkansas. If there's one thing we can all agree on, if you want to learn how to lead the free world, a world class, cosmopolitan metropolis like Little Rock is the place to do this. Bill did it and Mike "Goober" Huckabye fell about 12 million votes short of replicating that plan, so the odds are even money that if you want to become president, Arkansas is the place for you. Hillary worked for a local law firm until she became First Lady of Arkansas in 1981. Except for a two year period, she continued in the role until 1992. During that two year period, she gained invaluable presidential experience as a board member of Wal-Mart. She then graduated from first lady of Arkansas to First Lady of the United States until 2001. She has been the junior senator of New York for the past seven years. The last US Senator to become president was John Kennedy in 1960. Before JFK, only two other US Senators have gone on to be elected president since 1888. The senate is not a great training ground to become ready from day one it would seem.

So to recap Hillary's 35 years of experience. One year was spent in law school. Two years as a junior congressional "gofer". Six years as an Arkansas lawyer. Two years as a board member of Wal-Mart. Nine years as the First Lady of Arkansas. Eight years as the First Lady of the US. Seven years as a US Senator. 1+2+6+2+9+8+7 = 35. Yeah that works. I once helped a friend of mine paint his ceiling. I suppose that qualifies me to repaint as least a portion the Sistine Chapel. I mean Michaelangelo wasn't all that tested to paint from day one. Let's get real Hillary. My six year old nephew has as much presidential experience as Senators Obama, McCain and you combined. He may in fact be even more qualified because of his proficiency in Xbox and Wii. He certainly is intellectually superior to George W, but let's leave that idiot savant out of this discussion and continue focusing on you. I hope Senator Obama starts leading the chorus to more carefully analyze your 35 years, your unwillingness to release your tax returns, your failure to release your secretive presidential papers so the American people can find out just what you did in the White House, your unwillingness to list Bill's presidential library donor list, why you need six rings to answer the phone and most importantly, why you're still dressed in what appears to be a polyester/rayon blend pantsuit and necklace at 3AM.

Could it be you're a vampire, Hillary? Hey everybody, light your torches and find the secret lair of the Transylvanian Titwillow. I always recall the colloquialism that "it ain't bragging if you can back it up". But if you can't back it up, then it becomes time to shut it up. You haven't put forth one positive contribution to this entire nomination process. That could all change instantly, however, if you put the American people and the best interests of the democratic party before yourself and made an immediate concession speech. You can even make it self serving. Use that 35 years of experience to do something real for once. That's the kind of tough talk that translates into positive action...

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