Kick Hillary's Tires - Would You Buy Her?

I caught myself blankly staring out the window soon after waking up early this morning, mired deep in thought. A friend of mine interrupted my barely blinking, open mouthed catatonia by inquiring if I was alright. I resumed blinking and assured her I was fine. She appeared skeptical, but begrudgingly accepted my assurances. At this point, I randomly asked if she were voting in the 2008 U.S. presidential election, whom would she vote for and why. She's an extraordinarily intelligent person and I was interested in her thoughts. Without batting an eye, she said she had no idea and wanted me to take her out for breakfast. I agreed, but not until she satisfactorily answered my question. Always the negotiators, we reached a compromise that called for her to answer at breakfast, providing I paid for her waffle and coffee.

We were seated and ordered, so now came time for her thought provoking answer. She reminded me that she was not an American citizen and therefore not eligible to vote. I was well aware of that fact, but still wanted to know who she would vote for if eligible. After a few sips of coffee, she said and I quote, "I don't know, maybe that Obama guy, because he's kind of cute." I gave her my famous "the look" and she gave me her famous "the smile" and then she finally agreed to talk. Wow, that was a lot easier than I thought. She was of the opinion that most Americans tend to vote for the candidate that thinks most like they do. She went on to add that people in the U.S. have very narrow points of view when it comes to electing candidates. People align themselves in groups and rarely will go outside that group when it comes time to electing candidates to office. I found myself in total agreement with her foreign observations. Someone who defines herself or himself as a conservative republican, evangelical, pro life bible belter isn't very likely to vote for a northeast, liberal democrat who is pro choice and smoked a joint in college. I realize that cuts both ways, the liberal is unlikely to vote for the evangelical as well.

I've spent extensive time in western Europe and notice the average person there is markedly different from the average person in the states. My European friend is amazed by how different our forms of democracy are practiced. With the possible exception of Vatican City, religion plays no role in politics in Europe. People choose candidates based on what their plans are for the state and people, rather than a particular philosophic group they are beholden to. Candidates in American politics play primarily to a narrow core of constituents. It is impossible for a republican to run for president nowadays without swearing an allegiance to Ronald Reagan, banning abortion and claiming to be more conservative than the rest of the field. It is equally essential for a democrat to be pro choice, pro unions and pro everything else republicans aren't. Both sides beat you over the head with their differences until you become indifferent.

It seems the one exception to these rules is Senator Hillary Clinton. Most people primarily evoke indifference from the masses. Not Hillary. It seems that half the country hates her and the other half loves her. That makes her sound like the ultimate candidate, but in reality, it's because she's the ultimate politician. The only thing that changes more than Hillary Clinton's viewpoints is a baby's diaper. Hillary's supporters say she changes because of her ability to be flexible whereas her detractors think her viewpoints are equatable with the contents of said diaper. Hillary seems to be on every side of every issue. In an attempt to broaden her appeal, she often lies about everything while she stands for nothing. She also seems to embody the adage of "When the going gets tough, the tough get teary." I think if Hillary acted more like a genuine human being instead of a manipulative politician, she would see her appeal expand exponentially. Perhaps her toughest challenge would be sitting her spouse down and reminding him about the new alpha-beta dynamic in their relationship. The two for the price of one concept is appealing if you're buying his and her wristwatches, but not when electing presidents.

But getting back to my European friend's query as to why Americans vote the way they do. I thought of another president in another time who asked us to ask of ourselves not what our country could do for us, but what we could do for our country. We live in a time where our expenses often outweigh our assets, religion is more group fanaticism than individual reflection and looking backward to our past represents a better life than looking forward to the future. No president should be elected because of his or her sex, sexual orientation, religion, race, political party affiliation or how they publicly feel about your private feelings. When any particular entity sees itself leaning in too many directions simultaneously, it's only a matter of time before the constant stress placed on said entity causes it to fracture. Most people think if you fix enough of the little, the big will be fine. But what if you should think extreme and instead fix the big? I think that would so minimize the little, it would cease to exist. Back away from your computer and go outside to get some fresh air. Then go find some tires to kick and think big about what's best for your country. That's what I'm going to do, but first, fresh waffles and coffee. Mmmm...

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Bush has Failed - Clinton Has Inhaled!

Two diverse men suddenly seem to have so much in common. Each man won election as President of the United States. Each man was then re-elected to serve the maximum two terms. Each man received a degree from prestigious Yale University. Each man seemed to overcome major character flaws when they were younger to achieve this lofty status. Each are now widely regarded as major disgraces solely because of their own human frailties. It's January 28, 2008 as I pound away on my keyboard. I can't believe I am seeing an MSNBC countdown clock (that actually includes seconds) until George W. Bush's State of the Union finale begins. Is this a rocket launch or a nitwit reading a speech off a teleprompter? I choose instead to focus on hearing outraged political leaders, Nobel Prize winning authors, respected journalists, social commentators of all political persuasions, and the daughter of the late President John F. Kennedy agreeing in unison that these world titans are now widely viewed as increasingly irrelevant relics of the past.

Bush's legacy will be seen by the majority of historians as one of the great failures in U.S. Presidential history. Eight months into his administrations, he ignored credible warnings and sat frozen in an elementary school seat as Americans watched in horror as the worst attack in U.S. history unfolded before their very eyes on television. More than six years later, the masterminds of this atrocity are still living large in parts unknown, probably planning out more such spectacular attacks in the future. Instead of tracking these vermin down, Bush picked a fight he viewed as easy against a ruthless despot. But this particular ruthless despot had no more to do with 9/11 than your morning bowl of oatmeal did. Bush has almost singlehandedly transformed the U.S. into one of the most hated countries in the world. He has run up a more than $9 trillion debt and disinterestedly stood by doing nothing as New Orleans was sinking into the Mississippi River. He also stood by completely detached, as a record number of Americans watched their possessions tossed out on the street as their homes were foreclosed in front of them.

The U.S. Dollar is barely worth the paper it's printed on, in both in the US and abroad. Oil prices and our dependency are at record highs, global warming has increased noticeably and according to economists, the country will soon sink into a recession that will affect everybody whether you believe that or not. Oh and as for that little skirmish in Iraq, it turns out our soldiers were not greeted so much as liberators, but as targets with nearly 4,000 of them dead, 30,000 wounded and more than $500 billion looted from the treasury for a war we were assured would pay for itself. Hell, some made it seem we'd actually make a few bucks on the war. Not as much as Haliburton or Blackwater, but some walking around money nonetheless. If you care and you should, because the good people we were liberating from tyranny have helplessly watched more than one million of their countrymen killed thus far, and that number climbs higher every day. This moral country of ours has tortured and killed people we pegged as enemy combatants and the U.S. Constitution has become more of a door mat than the sacred document that this country was founded upon. But look at the Bush accomplishments. He's allowed even the most intellectually challenged citizens among us to feel the pride of being smarter than the president himself.

Don't worry Bill, I haven't forgotten you. Clinton's ego has grown larger than his sense of decency, fair play and ass combined. He's just another man who will do or say anything to win. A man so consumed by his own self indulgence, that he's willing to forgo his own legacy to feed his selfish needs to place himself before those he professes to champion. It is said you learn more about someone in the way they gracefully deal with defeat, than how they triumphantly exult in victory. Both Clintons knew late Saturday afternoon from sophisticated exit polling that the South Carolina primary was going to be won by Barack Obama. Did they exhibit the same grace and gratitude they did celebrating victories in New Hampshire and Nevada? No, they hopped on separate private aircraft to separate venues to speechify and minimize Barack Obama while simultaneously denigrating the significance of the moment. In fact, Bill Clinton, a Yale educated lawyer gave what is known in the legal profession as a non-response response. This is where a lawyer asks a respondent a specific question and in return receives an answer that has nothing to do with the question that was asked. A textbook example of this is the following: A reporter asked Bill Clinton what he thought of Senator Obama's victory in South Carolina. Clinton's non-response response was that "Jesse Jackson won the same primary twice in 1984 and again in 1988". That's a great answer if you're trying to subtly interject racism into the equation, but in no way addresses the specific question asked.

Bill Clinton, the husband of the candidate, then proceeded to give a long winded, self serving 75 minute speech in Missouri before Obama took the stage. He addressed what took place in South Carolina with seven words; "I want to congratulate Senator Obama tonight". That was the full extent of the graceful five second concession acknowledgment. The other 74 minutes and 55 seconds were dedicated to himself and oh yeah, his wife the candidate. He dedicated more time to subtle racism than sincere congratulations. Hillary then gave her standard stump speech after Obama's victory speech. An Obama sandwich in between two stale pieces of Clinton bread. You constantly trash your opponent before the battle was fought, then ignore him after the battle was decided. In Clintonian politics, crass triumphs over class.

If you didn't get the opportunity to watch Caroline, Patrick and Teddy Kennedy's endorsement of Barack Obama at American University on Monday afternoon, check out you tube. You'll be glad you did. I was genuinely moved by what Caroline Kennedy wrote for the Sunday New York Times. She retold what so many people have told her over the years. "I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them," Caroline Kennedy wrote in an op-ed posted Saturday on the Web site, The New York Times "But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president — not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans." Caroline was not yet six years old when her father was murdered in Texas. I'll say it again because it bears repeating, "Those Who Forget the Lessons of History Are Doomed To Repeat It." The past clearly demonstrates what 20 years of Bush, Clinton, Bush has wrought. Do you truly want eight more years of the inhalation of failure? Or might you prefer the hopeful dreams that only a breath of fresh air can bring? That's up to you, providing you have the "courage to choose change..."

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Eyeglasses are no longer simply associated with the visually challenged student. They have become a stylish fashion accessory. Now, we must never forget the fact that prescription eye wear is still a health item, but now eyeglass frames are available in more shapes, sizes and colors in both plain and fancy styles. Well known fashion designers have linked their names to this industry as never before. Glasses, once a basic item, is now a major part of the fashion industry. What this then means, of course, is that stylish eyeglasses with state of the art lenses can be a most expensive item. Not so, says Zenni Optical. An option now exists that enables you to purchase single vision prescription eye wear (choosing from an extensive selection of frames), complete with a hard case, online for as little as $8.00 plus a shipping fee of only $4.95 (regardless of the size of your order). How can Zenni Optical do this you ask? They can by using frames manufactured in their very own factories, thus removing the tremendous cost factor of the middleman. There's zero retail overhead to their operation and there's minimal advertising fees. So what you have here is a way for you to purchase quality, stylish glasses at a remarkably economical price.

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Bill Clinton, Hail to the Philanderer-in-Chief

The 42nd President of the United States is seeking a return engagement to the White House. This time, however, he claims he'll be willing to return in the co-starring role of "The First Laddie." Yeah, sure you will Billy boy. Power hungry, egomaniacal, publicity craving pigs like you don't back away from the trough of politics. They also don't go gentle into that good night that Dylan Thomas so aptly raged about either. Bill can still taste the smoky stench emanating from the Monica Lewinski Memorial Oval Office and Free Clinic. As you read this post, you can safely assume Hillary's unleashed "pit bill" is roaming free from his latest seven year itch of encumbrance by sizing up the next generation of future Clintonettes. He wants Hillary in the White House more than I want a Porsche Carrera GT in the garage. I began wondering what his motivation was and I think I may have come up with a few plausible theories.

The most obvious reason was the fact that Bill is a true and loyal husband. I defy any human being, including Steven Wright, from reading that previous sentence and not giggling out loud like a schoolgirl. The former hound dog-in-chief never allowed the sanctity of marriage curb his apettite for all the types of bimbos that walk the earth. We have heard ad nauseum and read about his adoration of Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Arkansas prostitute extraordinaire Bobbie Ann Williams, Susan McDougal and of course the legendary humidor herself, Monica Lewinski. These are just a few of the documented indiscretions Bill has taken part in. Undeniably you are forced to acknowledge simply by employing the law of averages, that if he was caught this often, the good husband and father must have pulled off some successfully quiet dalliances over the years. Bill is a loyal husband much in the same way George W. Bush is a Yale undergraduate and Harvard trained MBA. Something that's simply called in name only.

Clinton has theoretically kept his favorite hobby sheathed in his shorts while subtly assassinating Hillary's chief rival's character in as hypocritcal a manner as I've ever seen. Ever since Senator Obama cleaned Hillary's clock in Iowa, Billy C. has emerged and ripped him for being too young and inexperienced to be president, for interjecting race into the race and for having the audacity to cite Ronald Reagan's name in an interview. As for age and experience, Bill Clinton took the oath of office as 42nd president when he was 46 years and five months old. When Obama takes his oath of office, he will be 47 years and 5 months old. My math skills indicate that's a full year older. As for experience, being the governor of a highly sophisticated and over achieving intellectually minded state like Arkansas is mighty impressive, but living all over the world and representing Chicago in the Illinois Senate before becoming the junior US Senator from that same state is at least equally impressive.

As for talk of racial divisiveness, Obama has been accused of being everything from not black enough to being too black. To his great credit he refused to even acknowledge those ridiculous statements by even commenting on them. Both Clintons of late have tag teamed Obama for everything from dividing America to exploiting Martin Luther King. While Bill likes to joke he was the first "black president", he seems to forget in actuality he's simply a philandering white dude from Arkansas. The latest Clinton attack was the result of an Obama interview with the Reno Gazette-Journal. Obama said that Ronald Reagan “changed the trajectory of America,” and said Americans “want clarity, we want optimism, we want a return to that sense of dynamism and entrepreneurship.” The Clintons and their commandos heard the name Reagan and started screaming like they were whining, hysterical infants. So much screaming in fact, Bill came down with a case of amnesia regarding a 1991 interview he did while he was running for president. Clinton noted that Reagan's policies were very much responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union. Obama credited Reagan with restoring optimism after the dark days of the late 70's. He never credited him with his politics or policies like Clinton specifically did 17 years earlier.

Many political pundits assert the Clintons are doing this to reopen the racial scab this country is still attempting to recover from. They go on to add that Team Clinton wants to lose South Carolina because of the citizenry voting primarily along racial lines. This will make Americans forget Obama won the Iowa Caucus where 94% of the population is white. If they can split the nation along racial barriers, simple math will assure and secure Hillary being the nominee of the democratic party. It's typical today that politics can be rough and dirty. But if you're willing to pile on and exploit the divide already in place in this country, it makes me wonder if there's anything the Clintons wouldn't do to win. There is rough and tough and dirty and despicable. What the Clintons are doing is beyond both of those categories. It makes Karl Rove look like a sissy. Yes, I know he truly does look like the poster boy of sissies, but you know what I mean.

In Saturday's South Carolina Primary, the Palmetto State spoke out loudly and clearly. They emphatically rejected the Clintons' scorched earth policy by overwhelmingly voting for Barack Obama and propelling him by a more than two to one margin over Hillary Clinton. Obama received more than 55% of the total vote compared to Clinton's 27% and John Edwards 18%. African Americans, as predicted, did overwhelmingly support Obama by a four to one margin. But to the pollster's surprise, "whitey" support for Obama was approximately 25% or two and one half times greater than predicted all week. So the Clinton master plan hit a major speed bump. There are still many battles ahead, however, before victory can be declared. It's now up to the voters to decide if they wish to reward the Clintons back to the past philosophy or instead, look to the future by supporting Barack Obama and telling the Clintons "bite me". They can't do so from their homes or from their favorite bars. They have to do it at their assigned polling place. Let's hope the future is not a return to the past........

I Apologize For Not Being At All Sorry!

I'm sure many of you remember as children, how on occasion your alleged actions drew an admonition from your parents that called for you to issue a formal apology. The specific violation of etiquette you were being rebuked for usually was the determining factor as to how willing you were to apologize to the aggrieved party(s). I was most likely denied bail and remanded to my bedroom to quietly contemplate my actions. It was in that place where I would take responsibility and admit my response to a specific policy I disagreed or found fault with, was ill conceived. I came to the conclusion that I was a kid and fighting the establishment was futile whether I was correct or not. So in order to re-establish my life on the streets and along the waters, I would take a deep breath and publicly state for the record I was sorry whether I truly was or not. That heartfelt remorse usually was sufficient to have my case dismissed and enable me to go back to my life as a dumb, happy kid.

Now that I'm a relatively big, semi-matured boy, I understand that I lacked the full mental acuity to comprehend the charges brought against me and was unable to fully assist in my defense. In other words, kids often fall under the legal classification of insanity. I don't think I was truly insane, I just wanted to take advantage of my time outside the classroom and have a great time. That's how kids think and that's what kids do. However, as you grow up physically, mentally and intellectually, your understanding of your actions should incrementally keep pace. When your actions are questioned and you find yourself being called upon to stand up and acknowledge your mistake and seek forgiveness, you should be able to rationalize and comprehend why that is.

The apology is becoming more and more a part of our political lexicon. It seems nary a day goes by when an individual or group isn't publicly demanding an apology from another individual or group. The world of politics is now a debate of smear and fear. Politicians and their band of spinning surrogates make the most vulgar accusations they can come up with and continue until somebody in the background leaps to his or her feet and demands an apology. Even if an apology is issued, the horses have escaped the barn and the damage is done. When a judge tells a jury to ignore a remark that has just been stricken from the record, it's already too late. You can't (unhear) something. In less than one year, our current conundrum-in-chief will be out of office. Boy, that feels great to write and say out loud. Besides commissions of federal election fraud, the other main reason the drooling, drug addict, drunk took office twice was because his corrupt cabal slimed John McCain out of the primaries in 2000 and then swift boated John Kerry in 2004. Love or Hate McCain and Kerry, both men were decorated Vietnam War heroes as opposed to Bush, who was an undecorated coward and war deserter. Like with everything else he does, Bush half heartedly apologized but never admitted to doing anything wrong.

It takes guts to stand up and admit when you were wrong. That's why I've long admired Dr. Jake Houseman all these years. You remember Jake don't you? He was Frances "Baby" Houseman's father during our country's dirty dancing era. To make a long story short, Jake incorrectly assumed Johnny knocked Penny up and sent her to a "butcher" of an abortionist. Turns out, Robbie the waiter impregnated Penny and Johnny was innocent after all. Well Jake looked Johnny square in the eye and uttered the immortal "I know it wasn't you who got Penny pregnant. When I'm wrong, I admit I'm wrong". Johnny and the recently liberated from the corner Baby went on to, well I have no idea. No sequel, no nothing. But Dr. Jake did take responsibility and apologize. I respected and appreciated that. Now sit down Jake.

But these worms today. It seems the worst the offense the least likely the apology. The only people who apologize today do so out of fear rather than a sense of decency. MSNBC hardballer Chris Matthews recently expressed his honest, heartfelt opinion that the prime reason Hillary was elected to the US Senate from New York, was because a great many women empathized with her as the wife of a serial cheater and voted for her as a result. That's not really a wide stretch. Hillary had no elected political experience, had no real ties to New York other than the lure of an open senate seat and no desire to be a senator other than using it as a springboard to the presidency. This opinion of Mathhews was brutally and swiftly attacked by Gloria Steinem and other female activists as blatant sexism. So apparently there's any number of women so malleable and stupid, that they won't watch or do anything that Gloria won't. So this fact forced Mr. Hardball to his knees to offer a mea culpa to Hillary while simultaneously licking Ms. Steinem's feet.

I once read about a guy who was incarcerated in the federal prison system for tampering with the US Mail. It seems the guy was convicted of stealing a five cent candy bar from a mail package. A candy bar used to cost a nickel? He shared a cell with a guy who robbed a Brinks Armor Truck on federal property of more than $300,000. Each was basically convicted of theft and each received similar prison sentences. The moral is "If you're going to steal, STEAL"! Same basic principle applies to apologies. If you're going to be forced into issuing an apology, do something truly despicable as opposed to espousing free speech. Because if you don't apologize, you get banished to your room to write blog articles on the computer until you do.....

Free The Drones

Free The Drones is a blog covering a wide array of topics related to personal finance. The premise behind this informative blog is to evaluate what it takes for you to reach financial freedom. The information provided is not meant to be advice, but information which you can use to assess and modify your own finances. Some of the items covered include credit repair, investing, money saving tips, retirement planning and taxes. One of the more interesting topics addressed was debt. This article specifically addresses the issue of how much debt is too much. In order to properly answer this question, it is crucial to define both the type of debt you are carrying and what percentage of your income is designated to paying off this debt. Included is a calculator specifically designed to assist you in determining your personal monthly debt burden. The goal of financial freedom is a most desirable one and information, such as that provided in this blog, is necessary for this goal to become a reality.

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Jack was Right, We CAN'T Handle the Truth!

Anyone who saw the outstanding 1992 motion picture, A Few Good Men, will never forget the classic exchange near the end of the film between the Jack Nicholson character, Colonel Nathan Jessup, and the Tom Cruise character, Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee. From the witness stand the Colonel came under intense cross examination from Lt. Kaffee demanding to know the truth. Jessup became enraged and finally erupted when he loudly and defiantly spewed forth the immortal line "You can't handle the truth". That very line has come to mean so much more than just a much quoted tag line from a movie. It also has come to symbolize the philosophy of a majority of Americans in the midst of selecting a candidate to become their president as well.

A perfect illustration of what I speak, was the recent Michigan Presidential Primary. Michigan is a state suffering unemployment significantly higher than most other states due to the tremendous downsizing of the once dominant United States automobile industry. Michigan also saw a dramatic loss of manufacturing jobs through outsourcing. In the past four years alone, Michigan has seen nearly 200,000 manufacturing jobs leave the state due to, amongst other things, high taxes and crumbling infrastructure. But the main objective of this post is not to discuss the specifics of Michigan's current economic problems or the possibility of future resurgence, but how two of the crop of current presidential candidates are addressing them.

As I'm sure you have heard to a point of suicide contemplation, candidate Waffling Willard "Mitt" Romney's father George, was governor of Michigan from 1963 to 1969. George also tried to secure the republican party nomination for president in 1968, but eventually would lose out to the very personable and dynamic Richard M. Nixon. George was able to run for president despite the fact he was born in the Mexican state of Chihuahua. The explanation for this was that his parents never relinquished their citizenship after fleeing the United States. Why did they flee you ask? It seems the Federal Government of the U.S. did not share Grandpa Gaskell Romney's polygamous philosophy of marriage to three (3) wives all at the same time. I don't know which of the big three was Mitt's grandma, but that can easily be explained by my total lack of interest. I am fascinated, however, by how one man can happily cohabit with three different women under the same roof. But clearly a great many of my theories and suppositions may not be deemed appropriate content in this specific forum.

But after this brief diversion, let's go back to the title of this post. Straight talker John McCain made a policy blunder by not only speaking his mind, but worse, by speaking the truth. At campaign stops, Senator Johnny Mac would exhort his cheering throngs of hopeful and desperate supporters by telling them these major job losses were not so much a temporary setback, but a permanent condition. You've seen those movies where the hero implores the doctor to give it to him straight and when the doctor acquiesces and tells the hero his condition is fatal and he will soon die. The hero mocks the doctor and seeks out a cheerier doctor to tell him everything will be fine. So fine in fact, the hero will be doing cartwheels and handstands before your popcorn expires. Everyone leaves the theater and lives happily ever after. So uniquely American is our quest to seek out whatever truth we most want to hear.

That's where Mitt, the Mellifluous Mormon Messiah emanates forth. Why allow reality to dictate the realm of Mitt's fantasy world. The world where all Americans have high paying jobs, perfectly coiffed and dyed hair, a stepford wife in every pot, cloned sons produced to best serve their country in a time of war by driving your luxurious bus around and of course, the ability to champion all sides of all issues and still find time to hunt a varmint for a photo op. After McCain sucker punched the despondent souls of Michigan with a refreshing dose of reality, Mitt quickly rode into town on his white horse to tell the people not to pay attention to the elderly man behind the curtain. Instead heed the "Mizzard of Wiz." Mitt never tells the truth and clearly this was not the place to start. So he did what any hypocritically accomplished liar would do. He lied. He promised the masses that if he's elected president, he will get all those lost jobs back and restore Michigan to prominence. Mitt may be able to tap dance on water, but he's not yet proved he can refill empty toothpaste tubes or restore the automotive and manufacturing industries back to greatness as he promised. But at least the terminal patients heard what they wanted and needed to hear. Hope so often supersedes reality.

Desperate people will believe any (rhymes with Mitt) a snake oil salesman will offer them if they become desperate enough. The truth hurts, but fantasy feels great. Colonel Jessup was right when he warned "we can't handle the truth". I think we could learn to, however, if we didn't allow ourselves to get so taken in by the Mitt Romneys of the world, who only handle themselves.....

Human Touch Massage Chairs

Whether it's due to tension, arthritis, injury or just plain old strain, back pain will affect 80% of Americans at one time or another in their lifetime. One remedy is going out and getting a soothing back massage as an alternative treatment. This will do wonders to relieve chronic back pain. Massage has been documented to improve circulation, decrease tension, increase flexibility as well as reduce depression and anxiety. While a therapeutic massage from a licensed massage therapist is best, often times it's simply not a viable option. With a Human Touch Massage Chair, however, you have the next best thing available to you. Now a marvelous, relaxing massage is available 24 hours a day in the privacy and convenience of your own home. These exceptionally well constructed and comfortable chairs are available in any number of hi tech styles with a wide selection of modern fabrics. The patented robotic massage technology closely reproduces the techniques utilized by professionals... rolling, kneading, compression and percussion...combined in any of three different, automatic programs with easy push button convenience. How great would it be to have a massage anytime you want one, in the comfort of your home at the push of a button? If you suffer from back pain, whatever the cause, a massage chair is not a luxury item, it's an absolute necessity. Licensed massage therapists can charge anywhere from $40 to $100 per hour. After you experience just a few sessions in your personal, technologically advanced Massage Chair, you'll see how the initial cost already has paid for itself. So what are you waiting for? You owe it to yourself to start feeling better right away.

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My God, Evangelicals are Dumb-bellicals!

George Washington was always associated with never telling a lie. Jerry Falwell was always associated with never telling the truth. So as to who is the liar; my money is riding on Four Chin Falwell as opposed to the Father of our Country. I'm often confused as to what forces out there continue to perpetuate this obsessive, compulsive disorder known as evangelicalism, that a limited but vocal percentage of this country suffers from. The dictionary defines evangelicals as being in agreement with the Christian gospel. Also with emphasizing salvation by faith in the atoning death of Jesus Christ through personal conversion, the authority of Scripture, and the importance of preaching as contrasted with ritual. At first glance, an individual capable of thinking for oneself would assume the Christian gospel is a combination of bigotry, intolerance and narrow minded stupidity. But the Christian gospel is defined as glad tidings, good news, welcome information, a shout, or something that makes oft sing, talk or rejoice. Hmmm, that comes across as a rather ambiguous explanation. It would seem one would have the latitude to define his or her own specific acts as to their code of behavior.

But in today's evangelical movement, there doesn't seem to be any room for individual vagaries. Individualism is practiced only in a group setting. One's freedom of expression is manifested by participating in a follow the leader mindset of a child, Nazi Party zealot or George W. Bush devotee. What kool-aid additive turns an expansive religious concept into a close minded cult? I do understand and support the rights of people with similar interests to co-mingle together for the common good. This happens in class action lawsuits, homeowner association disputes and under Article III, Amendment I of the U.S. Constitution protecting the rights of strippers to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. These grievances often include archaic lap dancing laws taking place in the presidential champaign room at your local dancer's emporium. But I digress.

We will soon be entering the meat of the 2008 presidential primary season to select an individual we want to lead the country in lieu of drinking a beer with. Unless you were born with a catastrophic brain disorder or haven't been "quite right" since Uncle Jethro's horse kicked you in the head a few times, you simply have to acknowledge that seven years into the reign of George W. Bush, life is not as rosy as in past years. It's true that a record number of homes have HDTV's and Wii's. But it's also true, that a record number of homes have already gone through or will soon be going through the foreclosure process due to shortsighted economic policies. The one time tax break the idiot-in-chief is proposing might get you a new pair of Nikes, but it's not going to put a dent in the rapidly expanding $9 trillion deficit. So clearly, we need to think as individuals about the direction our country is heading rather than as a mere dram in the evangelical spit bucket of life.

Think about it. Evangelical organizations have LEADERS that expect you to pay homage to them more than to the spiritual force that allegedly led you there in the first place. If you closely examine influences of religions from all over the world, the single most dominant factor in each, is the exclusion of those not exactly the same. How can you evangelicals display a straight face and claim to oppose human cloning when your behavior parrots everyone in proximity? Just by your organized, repetitive claims your religion is not like that, you're simultaneously proving that it is. The one factor all of these cult like religions have in common is you all fervently believe your way is not just the best way, but the only way. Remember, while your making this very claim, so is every other psychopathic order in the world. Frankly I'm surprised there isn't a flock of evangelical suicide bombers in the United States yet. Ever spent a month in Iowa or Arkansas on an average day? Strapping a bomb to your back and walking off a cliff sounds like a terrific alternative to being part of an off-off Broadway cast of the "Stepford Wives Scream Suey."

If you're truly a Christian believer, than the most renowned liberal of all time was Jesus Christ. Websters Dictionary defines a liberal as a person who is open minded and not strict in the observance of orthodox, traditional, or established forms or ways. I can't picture Jesus leading a protest to ban gays from the military, or by banning them from getting married either. You good evangelicals should look around you and root out the gay members of your church and banish them to Hell or maybe Greenwich Village in lower Manhattan. At least 15% of the population is gay. So unless you're totally delusional or Mahmoud Ahmaninejad, be very aware your church has gay members (no pun intended). Be an individual and live a life worthy of the best aspects of humanity rather than the worst. Vote for the best candidate to lead your country by secular abilities as opposed to quoting irrelevant scriptures of exclusion. In the Magnificat, there is a phrase attributed to Jesus that says Become what you behold. Remember what we first learned as children. We're often judged by the company we keep, so if you continue keeping company with narrow minded dumbbells.......

Finance Genius

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Evangelical Idiots Need a New Constitution!

Today's politics are all about understanding what your particular constituency specifically wants to hear. Once that has been established, the knowledge is formulated and then exploited to best serve the candidate. All politicians base their campaign strategy on that fact in order to get the most bang for their buck. Whereas I'm down with Hillary Clinton pounding my senses into submission by repeatedly claiming she has 35 years of experience doing God knows what, and how she'll use that experience to lead us around like lost sheep from day one as a result. I'm equally aware John Edwards comes from a family of mill workers. I seem to have heard along the way that Rudy Giuliani has some connection to September 11th. John McCain is a former POW and current elderly maverick. Fred Thompson is an actor thereby making him the sequel to Ronald Reagan. Willard "Mitt" Romney is whatever you want him to be at any specific moment in time. But my favorite serial suckhole hands down is Mike Huckabee.

The "Huckster" announced earlier this week in Michigan to a cheering throng of evangelical sheep on their way to the slaughterhouse, that the Huckabee Administration will push, among other things, that we change the Constitution. The Baptist Brainiac believes "it's a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that's what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it's in God's standards rather than try to change God's standards," Huckabee actually said this while referring to the need for a constitutional human life amendment and an amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman. Huckabee often refers to the need to amend the constitution on these grounds, but he has never so specifically called for the Constitution to be brought within "God's standards," which are themselves debated amongst religious scholars. As a closing statement, he asked the room of nearly 500 supporters to "pray and then work hard, and in that order," to help him secure a victory in Tuesday's GOP primary. This is clearly not separation of church and state, but instead separation of candidate and sanity.

Huckabee also wants to seal the borders tight to possible immigrants from countries that harbor and support terrorism. I suppose this list would have included the late Benazir Bhutto had she managed to have escaped her assassins. Palestinian Authority president Mahmoud Abbas. Afghani President Hamid Karzai, as well as every single human being risking their lives to protest and effect change from within corrupt governments that provide safe haven from terrorists throughout the middle east. I truly wonder just which meds Huckabee's medical team should prescribe for him to be taking on a regular basis. You would think Huckabee would take a moment away from laying the groundwork for the Fourth Reich, to splash some cold water on his face once he extracts it from his own anal canal.

The United States is not yet the theocratic society our forefathers escaped nearly 500 years ago. It's bad enough that thus far we've spent close to $1 trillion and allowed nearly 4,000 soldiers to die in the sands of theocratic regimes. Wasn't the plan to convert these narrow minded religious zealots into democratic governments? Are we now ready to become what we have long besmirched? We're now seven years in to the dumbest, clueless and reckless administration in our history. Does all consuming religious beliefs disintegrate brain cells to a point where Mike Huckabee appears presidential? Would you sit down at a bar to drink a beer with your good buddy Mike, or would you have to drink Kool-aid laced with hallucinogenic holy water?

The former Arkansas Governor knows virtually nothing about the complexities of this earth outside a church, including world affairs, economics, uniting a diverse country or stating virtually anything that doesn't make a sane person's jaw drop or eyes roll. I know, I just described verbatim a former Texas Governor and current US president as well. What is it about religion that thrusts these drooling goobers into positions of authority? I feel certain Huckabee will NOT be elected president. But who knows, with the current crap er crop of legitimate republican candidates, I can envision Mike being selected as a possible vice presidential nominee. That would put him a heartbeat away from the oval office if God forbid, the republican nominee wins. With candidates like McCain and Thompson, that could be literally any second. What is it going to take to make Americans of all walks of life finally realize that we can't keep taking these idiots seriously enough to elect them to positions of leadership? At the rate we're going, I fear one day relatively soon we're going to find out. I can assure you all if that day does come, we're not going to like what we see....

Here's an Idea - How About You Poll This!

I'M VOTING FOR HER!

I would never attend a sporting event where I knew the final score before the game even started. I would never go to the movies to see an excellent mystery unfold if I knew the shocking outcome in advance. I would also never use a public restroom at a seafood restaurant if I knew the majority of patrons were suffering the effects of ingesting raw clams brimming with salmonella poisoning. So therefore, why would I vote in an election if I was besieged ad nauseum with multiple daily polls telling me in advance not only who won, but exactly why they won and by exactly how much they won?

But nowadays, virtually every electronic and print media outlet in the country insists on doing just that by cramming daily polling results down our throats. You would have thought after the polling information showing Barack Obama cruising to an easy double digit victory over Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire primary proved to be so completely wrong, the poll takers and poll reporters would have pulled back. Clearly, however, that's not the case. I don't need to take a poll to figure out these professional polling organizations are making a boat load of cash to telephone people all day and night. The poll takers then berate the public with a barrage of questions as to what their intentions are going to be on the day of the election.

I've never received a call from a pollster, but if I ever did, I would do everything I could think of to answer the questioner in the most ridiculous yet believable manner. Who would I really hurt by acting the clown? My vote is my vote. I have zero obligation or interest in being held up as a representative for countless and anonymous fellow voters. I can barely even watch the coverage on television anymore of these elections. The modern day Anchorman of the airwaves is literally bursting out of his or her pants or pantsuit to declare a winner within three seconds of the polls closing. If the polls close at say 9:00 pm in a given state, and I don't know who won instantaneously, would I needlessly suffer and feel the urge to reach for the nearest hammer and start pounding my skull into sawdust? I don't think so. I believe I can wait for a while.

Election coverage is the sole exception to the entire concept on which television news is predicated. Rule #1 is to stretch 5 minutes of actual news into 60 minutes of broadcast news. If you are fortunate to have two actual newsworthy stories, you show one of them as soon as the broadcast begins. You hold back story #2 until the end of the broadcast. You of course do this with nonstop "promos" throughout the show by promising to show this breaking news right after these words. Keep in mind this earth shattering breaking news usually involves Britney, Paris, Lindsay or Nicole. On one of the rare days, one or more of these empty "spit bucket" brains don't break news, somewhere on the planet there's video of an 800 pound gorilla nursing a piglet or a 106 year old driver stepping on the wrong foot pedal as they drive right through a Department of Motor Vehicle Office in order to renew their driver's license for six more years.

But when it comes to primary results in Iowa or New Hampshire where literally one percent of the total delegates needed to secure the party nomination are at stake, thousands of polls are being conducted prior to and after you finish voting. This is necessary I suppose, so verbose, self aggrandizing nitwits like Chris Mathews can hyperventilate on the air about which candidate won, who lost, who tied, who will benefit, who will go on, will go off and who will declare a stunning victory despite finishing a distant third with nearly 11% of the total vote.

I would like to see one election where we try something completely revolutionary and unheard of in modern America. We take NO polls. We take NO surveys. We take NO prisoners. We sit back and leave the electorate the hell alone. We allow them their privacy. We allow them to eat dinner without pollsters calling to ask a few questions. We get out of their face. In other words, we allow them to vote in peace. When the polls close and the last vote has been tallied, we sit back and wait until all the votes are miscounted and then report the results. Yeah, that will happen the day when we elect the first Hamster-American President of the United States. A lot of you are thinking we already have a hamster as president. Wrong, I mean an actual hamster named Fluffy. Not somebody with the hamster sized brain named George W.

Par for the Course - Don't Bogey That Birdie

ARTIST RENDERING OF HOW TIGER WOODS WILL LOOK (LEFT) IN 25 YEARS

It seems the more this country slowly comes apart at the seems, the more we can take solace in the fact that political correctness continues to rise in direct correlation. The most recent example of this assault on freedom of speech and intellect occurred on, of all places, The Golf Channel. First off, I wonder how many of you were even aware there was a 24 hour, seven day a week television channel dedicated solely to the game of golf. To a certain extent, I can understand people occasionally shooting a round of golf, watching professionals play on television or dressing up just like your favorite golfer when going out for the 4:30 pm "Early Bird Special" dinner at the Del Boca Vista Country Club. What I don't understand at all, however, is sitting in front of your television and watching talking heads pontificate about the game all day and night. What could any commentator possibly say about the game of golf that could be deemed even remotely interesting? I'm convinced one day there will be a 24/7 channel dedicated to watching the inside story of how the Mike Huckabee and potential first lady, Chuck Norris "friendship" blossomed into so much more. But before I report on that fair and balanced coupling, I suggest you whip out your putter and balls and start stroking along with me.

Kelly Tilghman, come on down. You are the next contestant to demonstrate how talking and thinking are two completely diametric behaviors. If you're anything like me, you're now asking yourself who the hell is Kelly Tilghman. She just happens to be a famous 38 year old South Carolina born golf announcer. Not just any golf announcer mind you, but the first woman to ever be a lead announcer in PGA history. She had a scintillating amateur career as a member of the Duke University golf team in the late 80's and early 90's. Upon graduation, she went on to forge a thoroughly unspectacular and nondescript five year professional career throughout Asia and Europe. In other words, she wasn't good enough to play on the coveted American LPGA tour in the States.

But despite what you're read so far, this article isn't so much about Kelly's talents as a golfer and announcer, but instead her mind numbingly idiotic comment regarding Tiger Woods last week. Unfortunately her slip of the tongue took place before literally dozens of loyal viewers. I can only assume Kelly's brain could not keep pace with the speed of her mouth, when she uttered her now famous quote during Friday’s telecast of the Mercedes-Benz Championship in Hawaii. While droning on and on with co-host and former tour professional Nick Faldo, Kelly responded to Nick's wondering aloud if anything could be done to stop Tiger Woods from dominating the game of golf. Kelly laughed out loud and suggested his competitors "lynch him in a back alley." Hmmmm, maybe not the best possible phrase for a privileged caucasian woman to use when referring to an African American male. I guess some people are still a wee bit sensitive to that reference because of 400 years of actual back alley lynchings of black men.

Professional golf's new ambassador of race relations was suspended for two weeks by the now suddenly happening Golf Channel. I dare say Kelly's momentary thoughtless phraseology has generated more buzz and interest in the obscure channel than the previous zzzzzz in their previous 13 year history. Even noted golf legend and I'm assuming regular viewer, Al Sharpton, decided to weigh in on the controversy. If you took a wild stab and guessed Sharpton demanded the Golf Channel fire Kelly for her insensitive remark, give yourself a big hand. You are clearly an Al Sharpton trivia expert. I'm waiting for the day Al tries to get an astronomer fired for making a negative statement about the region of space know as the black hole. You know how it always rains right after you wash and wax your car, how the delivery guy always knows to show up during the specific five minute window you run out to pick up lunch and how Al Sharpton is never too busy to demand every white person on planet earth should be fired every time they misspeak and say something stupid. I've heard the Reverend Al speak on more than one occasion. I often think he should be fired for some of the breathtakingly stupid remarks he has made. If that wasn't enough, there must be some law on the books regarding his hair that should get HIM fired.

Everybody does and says stupid things from time to time. Just look at the current occupant of the White House. Sure, he's an idiot of unparalleled proportions, but millions of Americans voted for him not once, but twice. Shouldn't that act(s) warrant some type of firing or suspension for all involved? Let's not jump all over Kelly Tilghman. Sure she's stupid, insensitive and has difficulty expressing thoughts and speech while lecturing on the complexities of golf. In her defense, she is after all from South Carolina. You know that place where they don't even have enough maps for US Americans to even locate North Carolina. How can she be expected to be taking part in highly technical golf conversations? Everybody involved will eventually live happily ever after. Tiger Woods will one day be a billionaire. The Golf Channel will double its core of viewers from 50 to 100. Kelly will be back on the air, at least until such time a younger, dumber and larger breasted replacement can be found and last but not least, Al Sharpton will soon find another white dumbell he can go on a crusade to get fired. Thankfully, life always finds a way to go on.......

When Your Dreams Become Nightmares!

I will never be able to fully cleanse my memory banks of the fact that Ralph Nader was actually more responsible for George W. Bush becoming President of the United States than all the forces of conspiratorial corruption combined. To briefly refresh your memories, the final Florida certified vote count showed Bush defeating Al Gore by a paper thin 537 votes out of a total of nearly six million cast. The historians will be debating all the questionable scenarios of what took place long after everyone alive today is no more. One fact, however, they won't need to debate, was that Green Party Candidate Ralph Nader received 97, 421 votes or 1.633% of all votes cast. I feel quite certain that had Nader not been on the Florida ballot, the nearly one hundred thousand people that did vote for him, would not have selected Bush as their second choice. It's my contention that a lot of those voters would not have cast ballots at all. But of those who would have, who could reasonably argue that Gore would have not been named by a larger than a 537 vote margin and therefore George W. Bush could have continued his life as an obscure, illiterate alcoholic in that festering buttcrack of a town known as Crawford, Texas.

I sincerely hope that the antithesis of George W. Bush, former North Carolina Senator John Edwards, is not morphing into the Ralph Nader of 2008. I genuinely wish the Edwards campaign could catch fire and propel him into the democratic nomination for president. But I'm sad to report the only fire currently burning is Edwards' presidential aspirations going up in smoke. If I could only figure out why Edwards doesn't resonate better with voters, I'd contact his campaign staff and tell them right now. But whereas many people are simple, the reasons for why they think the way they do are not. I don't think one particular factor turns off the majority of voters. But the combined effects of being a wealthy trial lawyer, a failed national candidate from four years ago, the nonsensical label of a hypocrite fighting for the poor while living in a spacious mansion, a recipient of $400 haircuts and the fact he doesn't seem to pass the essential "beer drinking" test, causes him more to the outside looking in category than the inside looking out position. Whatever the reason, it's just not working out for him.

It's his dogged determination of trying to get that one last drink after last call has come and gone that's causing many of us an unfavorable flashback to 2000. Edwards does have a base of 15% to 20% of supporters in virtually every state. These loyal supporters will undoubtedly stay with Edwards as long as he is willing to fight on, but in a process that allows for only one winner, his determination can only benefit one person and unfortunately that one person happens to be Crybaby McPantsuit. Unless you're an 85 year old woman, an individual longing for the good old 90's, a sucker for a crying woman, a female version of Rudy Giuliani or someone who boasts 35 years of experience being married to an Arkansas hound dog, Hillary holds no appeal. She has somehow managed to believe it's her unalienable right or destiny to become president. There is no level she will not sink, no mud she will not throw or no fence she will not straddle in order to appeal to just enough people to get her polyester ass back in the White House saddle again.

By Edwards futilely remaining in the race, he causes the majority of the democratic voters in this country to split their votes between Obama and himself, while Hillary moves on. I don't discount that a certain percentage of Edwards loyalists would vote for Hillary if Edwards withdraws, but much like 2000, the majority of Edwards support would go to Obama rather than Clinton. This will effectually mean the difference of who the democratic nominee on the November ballot is. The republican party is completely fractured as this article goes to press. I guarantee you, however, that nothing will galvanize and organize these lost souls more than Hillary Clinton on their ballot. Imagine if you will President(s) John McCain, Willard "Mitt" Romney, Rudy Giuliani or Mike Huckabee and first lady, Chuck Norris being your leader. Just the thought of that makes me want to eat a crack and heroin sandwich on whole wheat toast.

If Democrats, libertarians, humanitarians and possessors of IQs larger than their combined shoe and hat sizes do not want to be doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past and regain its pride by first regaining its sanity, take a closer look at Barack Obama. Nobody is experienced doing everything before they've done anything. Hillary was the wife of a president. I know a guy whose wife is an eye doctor. Would you feel confident visiting the guy based solely on his experience as a spouse? Bright people like Obama surround themselves with bright people who offer their ideas rather than their opinions. If you had a major problem in your life would you rather seek the counsel of a trusted friend who will give you the information you need or some stooge who will give you the information you want?

Robert F. Kennedy once said "some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not." Since I'm quoting Kennedys, Robert had a brother named John, who told a people looking for a new beginning nearly 50 years ago to "ask not what your country can do for you, but what can you do for your country." So Senator Edwards and everybody else, dream about what you can do to make the United States everything it can be. I'm voting for Barack Obama, anyone out there who wants to join me is more than welcome to come along for the ride.....

Ask Me a Question and I'll Cry You a River!

As the results from the New Hampshire Primary were becoming official, I couldn't help thinking about the old expression of "Be careful what you wish for... you might just get it." I'm beginning to think New Hampshire is called the Granite State because of the contents of the citizenries' heads rather than its geological makeup and its tradition of self-sufficiency. The United States of America took one giant leap for mankind backwards Tuesday night by basically canonizing two washed up relics from the 20th century named John McCain and Hillary Clinton. After nearly 20 years of America being subjected to the divisive regimes of the Hatfields and McCoys also known as the Bushes and Clintons, Americans claimed they were ready for change. Finally the college students were going to stop whining about the status quo and actually do something for themselves and their futures. They didn't. Middle-aged Americans tired of seeing their kids being sent to Iraq for nothing and seeing their homes foreclosed, were going to seek change. They didn't. Seniors were tired of deciding which medications they could afford and which ones they couldn't as a result of spiraling health costs by looking forward to a new voice. They didn't either.

What did they do then? They momentarily, at least, stopped looking forward and retreated to the past by throwing their support behind a 71 year old fossil whose life is predicated by reliving his past and paying no heed to the future. Then, if that weren't enough, the other side chose a 60 year old woman who repeatedly bangs the drums of change by touting her 35 years of experience. I've never been able to figure out what specifically this so called experience is. I can respect the fact she graduated college, law school and was a junior staffer on the Richard Nixon impeachment proceedings, but mostly her resume is that of the First Lady of Arkansas, and then the United States. To her credit I suppose, she parlayed her name recognition into becoming a US Senator from New York. She never lived in New York and never accomplished anything of note either, but her husband's popularity was sufficient enough to earn her a US Senate seat. If that sounds harsh, so be it, because it's the truth. Every single 60 year old person on the planet has 35 years experience doing something, doing anything. Should that be the springboard to justify becoming president?

John McCain has been an elected official for 25 years. The last 21 of those years as a republican senator from Arizona. He also has 5 years of experience as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. So McCain can tout his vast experience as well. Did McCain do anything to prevent Bush from continuously torturing enemy combatants? Did McCain's 25 year history in Washington politics benefit his constituents more or himself? He considers himself to be a maverick politician, but a maverick is defined as an independent individual who does not go along with a group or party. Yeah, after 2o years of democrats and republicans bending over backwards to screw each other over, this country is desperately seeking a leader who gets along with nobody. If McCain were to be elected president and served two terms, he would be 80 years of age. I have no prejudices towards seniors. In fact, some of my favorite grandparents have been seniors, but when you're at that stage of your life, it seems to me, more emphasis is being placed on where you've been than where you're going.

I used to have a great deal of respect for Bill Clinton. I realize he had as many faults as he did virtues. But when you respect and admire a person, you tend to accentuate their accomplishments, whilst overlooking their failures. I never fully understood why so many people loathed Clinton. I assumed it was primarily jealousy. But now as I look at him more objectively, I understand that they were not fully wrong just as I was not fully right. The former president mostly uses and often abuses his personal charm to benefit himself. I salute him for his foundation which has raised billions of dollars for AIDS research, disaster relief, global warming projects and affordable housing for people who legitimately need assistance. But I also see a reckless, smarmy lounge lizard who thoughtlessly and recklessly was bagging bimbos in the same house where his wife and daughter were at the very same time. He committed purjury when he was finally nailed and disgraced himself as well as the office the people elected him to.

I almost found it somewhat funny this week when he was criticizing Barack Obama for the same qualities he himself relied upon to win elections. You know the one, the young, idealistic outsider coming in to corrupt Washington to fix a broken system. Clinton went on further to tear into New Hampshire election officials for scheduling their primary so close to the Iowa Caucus. He excoriated them by claiming their system was so unfair because the momentum of whoever won in Iowa would automatically be sufficient to propel them to victory there as well. Well big daddy, it turns out you were wrong on all levels. Firstly, New Hampshire officials had no idea who would win in Iowa, nor did they care either. If they did give it a moment's thought, I'm sure they assumed the overwhelming front runners, Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney would easily cruise to victory in Iowa. History of course, will show neither did. It will also demonstrate you should spend more time being the blank staring, robotic and smiling spouse, (see Laura Bush) and stop making accusations that are neither proper nor true. Both Iowa winners lost in New Hampshire. So Bill, it turns out your theory held even less content than Monica Lewinski's legendary blue dress.

I keep hearing what a dirty game politics is. Most of the candidates demonstrate their great knowledge of the issues not with action, but by spewing forth mind numbing oratories. They don't do this by thoughtfully dissecting what's broken and applying a fix, but by proving how low they're willing to sink to get elected at any cost. Some candidates will sigh and cry whereas all candidates will lie. They throw mud at each other but only the electorate get stained. In a perfect world, everybody would just honestly present themselves to the American public and let the public decide who the best candidate is. But a perfect world doesn't have Bushes, Clintons and mavericks everywhere you look. Instead of listening to these politicians telling you what they think you want to hear, listen to yourself and tell them what you want them to hear with your vote. You can't effectively move forward if you're looking back. This country needs to be led into the future much more than it needs being pulled back into the past....

America Represents a Proctologist's Fantasy

In the somewhat recent past, a very popular patriotic phrase was in vogue. "America, love it or leave it." Seeing the official tally of the 2008 New Hampshire Primary results make the latter seem much more appealing than the former. I can't think of another place on earth where more people thrive and survive while deprived of much needed oxygen with a chaser of common sense. The process in which we elect candidates to lead us is so out of kilter, only an army of highly trained proctologists can extricate the majority of heads from the majority of asses that have taken over this country.

Since the year 2000, this country has been in steady decline. Eight years of the world's premier ignoramus as president alone could accomplish that. Now that we are in the seemingly endless process of choosing a successor, I am much more understanding of how 2000 happened in the first place. Rather than rehash what an illiterate buffoon is still occupying the White House, let's take a look at illiterate buffoons who are controlling our collective destiny as to who his replacement will be.

Ever since Bush was declared the winner of the 2004 presidential election, the cable news teams have been dedicating nearly seven day a week non-stop coverage to whom his successor will be. This is a great shortcoming of cable news.They are forced to stretch two hours of daily news into a 24 hour news cycle. You can almost see the relief on the talking heads' faces when thankfully a barn in Wyoming catches fire or a car chase on a Mississippi highway takes place. These are both excellent time wasting trivial matters providing it's not your barn or car involved. But the overwhelming coverage is being directed towards the 2008 presidential elections.

These talking head puppets are not content with merely reporting the news, they're much more determined to create it and then report as news what they've created. This 2008 election is a perfect illustration for my point. You simply can't take polls three or four times per day and claim you have insight into the electors' minds. If somebody called me on the phone or stopped me in the street to ask me who I was voting for, I would reply with a simple yet effective two word response. I won't say exactly what that response would be, but I can tell you the second word would be YOU! Then they hire a large contingent of political directors, political insiders, political consultants, political pundits and political spin doctors to come on and claim they know everything that you don't. They all offer their own brand of manure for your consumption. I learned years ago to never ask a senior citizen how they feel or remain with an earshot of a person who begins a sentence with: "if you want my opinion." The reason simply put is both will ramble on and one until hanging yourself from a tree branch or ramming your head into a brick wall seems like an appealing alternative.

Every time I turn on the news so far in 2008, I hear how the American people are going to vote and why. The people themselves aren't telling me this. So called political experts are. They're so bright, they're working for what amounts to little more than lunch money at cable news outlets and blogs such as this rather than having real jobs. They tell you the outcome of the elections until your head literally spins off its axis, because you've become so numb to them, you almost begin to believe them. Then and only then the actual election takes place and these simple minded sock puppets are dead wrong. Do they look the camera in the eye and acknowledge they're idiots? Of course they don't. They are stunned the public voted the wrong way. The public didn't pay attention. What's the deal with the public. Well it seems a great many members of the public can't formulate an actual determination of whom they want to lead them until they're poking their own chads. Some of them change their vote because a candidate cried, a fellow candidate was mean to them or to prove their independence by making the experts look stupid.

I've got news for Joe Public. The experts don't need your help looking stupid, that's the one thing they're actually experts about. I am one person with one vote. I may or may not use it when the time comes. I'm sure if I do vote, I will opt for the lesser of two evils. That sounds so cynical. But after endless attempts of trying to make sense of the senseless, being cynical and pessimistic is the most optimistic thing I can think of right now..........

Decorate With LED Lights

Christmas lights are no longer just for Christmas anymore. With the advent of LED technology, decorative lights are now available in more shapes and have more uses than ever before. What are the advantages of LED string lights over traditional holiday lights you might ask? One major difference is that LED lights save a great deal of electricity. Since they produce virtually no heat, they are also significantly safer to use. These lights last a great deal longer as well (50,000 hours vs. 2,000 hours for traditional lights), they are practically indestructible and it's oh so simple to replace one bulb, should that become necessary.

Due to the wide variety of shapes and colors available, these lights offer more options for decorating than just your traditional Christmas tree. There are textured strawberry and raspberry shaped lights, mini lights and icicle-shaped lights all in a vast array of colors. Imagine having the ability to display orange strands of light for Halloween, decorative white lights for a wedding display, or LED rope lights to enhance the beauty of your patio or gazebo year round. Consider lighting one of your favorite trees in order to show off your landscaping to friends and neighbors alike. The many options are limited only by your imagination.

LED strings lights are economical to use. Bargains abound now that another Christmas holiday season has come and gone. You can now use these beautiful LED strings lights throughout the entire year in order to add a professional appearing aura of beauty to your home and landscaping.

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I Just Rolled into New Hampshire and...

boy, are my ribs sore. The eyes of the world will be focusing on the Granite State. New Hampshire will be center stage this week as the first true primary in the nation takes place on Tuesday. Many unanswered questions should be resolved shortly after the last polling precinct closes its doors in the early evening hours. A muddled nomination picture should become a lot clearer Tuesday evening after the networks begin declaring the winners and losers. In anticipation of the results, I'll try to clarify the ramifications of who must win, who should win and ultimately who will win.

First, for the republican party. Right now the betting favorite is John McCain. The septigenarian senator who could easily pass for an octogenarian or perhaps even a nonagenarian is the current front runner. I will readily admit this guy's appeal is a thoroughly deep shrouded mystery to me. His claim to fame was being captured and tortured in Vietnam more than 40 years ago. I assume the average republican enjoys torture so much, McCain's past makes him extra appealing to the strength through words but not through action crowd. The seventy-one year old Arizonan has been a politician for 25 years now. He spent four years in the U.S House of Representatives and is currently serving his fourth term in the U.S. Senate.

Unlike most republicans, however, McCain actually looks at the world in slightly more than a unidimensional way. He has come out in favor of a more liberal approach to the illegal alien problem, he generally doesn't get on his hands and knees to lick the loins of the bible thumping buffoons who believe this country should be renamed the United States of Jesus and despite his age similarity with former President Ronald Reagan, doesn't use him as an applause prop like most of his fellow candidates. Let's be honest if we can. If McCain were somehow to be elected, he would be past 80 at the conclusion of his second term. I'm not being discriminatory to seniors, but men in their 70's traditionally spend far more time focusing on their pasts then their futures. McCain would much better be suited to becoming President of the Del Boca Vista Condo Board than of the free world.

Barack Obama, fresh off his upset victory over the woman boasting 35 years experience of doing stuff nobody has any idea what it was, has come from way back to being slightly ahead in the latest poling. I get so tired of hearing how young and inexperienced Senator Obama is. The guy is 46 years of age, not fresh out of high school. He is the only candidate to have lived extensively outside the U.S., giving him the unique perspective of seeing this country not only from within but as the rest of world does. That's an important attribute when dealing with world leaders to be able see things from all sides. As for the experience factor, nobody running for the White House has ANY experience as president. Not even you, Hillary. You were the president's wife. You don't hear the wife of NFL football player Brett Favre claiming she's ready from day one to step in and play quarterback for the Green Bay Packers because her husband has. Nobody has experience doing anything until they actually do something. So Hillary, I must respectfully request you shut up about your vast 35 years of experience of whatever it was you were doing. You have never been president and hopefully never will be.

Back to the republicans, there is no clear choice. McCain, Romney, Thompson, Huckabee and Giuliani sound more like an opening act for Carrie Underwood than for the leader of the free world. The democrats have a much clearer choice. Do you want a bright, well informed 46 year old with a vision for the future, or a 60 year old relic from the past with 35 years of experience gaining experience? I'm not objective, I'm hopeful. After eight years of a mental pygmy who led this country into a Grand Canyon like hole, we can ill afford to choose someone we want to drink a beer with as the president. Besides, I guarantee you McCain's aging bladder can't hold beer, Romney drinks Zima, Huckabee drinks Jesus Juice, Thompson drinks kaopectate and Giuliani is too busy talking about 9/11 to even have time for a drink. As for Hillary, she will drink anything that she thinks will get her an extra vote. Don't you drink the Kool-aid. You're never going to drink anything with these candidates but you're going to be spending the next eight years eating whatever they serve you. I'll be looking forward to taking my meals at Obamas.....

Raucous Caucus or Streptocaucus?

The time had come, the time has gone. The 2008 Iowa caucus is now in the history books. Senator Barack Obama and formerArkansas Governor Mike Huckabee have been officially named the winners of the most anticipated caucus in the history of caucuses. Candidates from both parties seemingly began their campaigns for Iowa style immortality before the ink from the 2006 elections had even dried. There's much to be discussed about the winners, but the same can be said about the losers too.

First off, pay no mind to the hordes of sycophants who vehemently spin the fact their candidates, who finished second, third or even fourth as the true winners of this primary exercise. There's no place and show category in politics, there's only win. I think one of the reasons people regard politicians with the same esteem they hold used car salesman, lawyers and parasites to name just a few, is the fact they think everybody listening is stupid. I don't discount the fact that many of our populace are not intellectual titans, but in electoral processes with no clear cut front runner, candidates can't afford to insult just anybody. They clearly need to be more discriminating and judicious as to whom they take for idiots.

Next off, I'll warmly congratulate republican winner, Mike Huckabee. The former Arkansas strongman easily defeated Mitt "Varmint Slayer" Romney, Fred "Father Time" Thompson, John "Father Timier" Mc Cain and Rudy "911" Giuliani. When you take a look at the one winner along with this particular group of losers, it makes you want to waterboard yourself. What enabled Huckabee to separate himself from this pack? Was it Jesus Christ, you think? Huckabee distinguished himself by knowing virtually nothing. He had no idea what the NIE is, he couldn't pinpoint countries such as Pakistan or Afghanistan on a map like most U.S. Americans and he wanted to stop the steady flow of illegal Pakistanis streaming across the border from neighboring Asia. To his credit, however, he was very much aware of Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked up at 16. He's a great prioritizer of data. But there's enough people in this country who will vote for anyone that mentions Jesus with the same regularity of a man on a baked bean, fig newton and raisin diet.

On the democratic side, the story was more about who lost than who won. Hillary is the big loser in this caucus. She was packed and ready to move back in to the White House when she announced her candidacy nearly a year ago. Who could or would dare to challenge the High Priestess of Pants Suits, after all? Barack Obama and John Edwards, to name two, did and both just happened to finish with more votes than the show pony did in this mid-western horse race. Obama finished first with 38% of the vote, followed by Edwards with 30% and Hillary with 29%. They will nearly split the 45 convention delegates awarded, but the overwhelming perception will be that of Obama whipping the pantsuit off of Hillary to win by a near double digit margin. This victory proved Obama to be a viable candidate, even in a state where nearly 95 out of every 100 residents is white. That is significant and will take on the momentum of a runaway freight train barreling towards New Hampshire on Tuesday.

This nominating process is far from over but as a comparative, before the New England Patriots could finish a perfect 16 - 0, they had to be 1 - 0 first, and that's exactly what the junior senator from Illinois has done. On the other side, Huckabee is walking on water boards to New Hampshire with the air of a winner but will leave with the stench of a loser. Huckabee may be shrewd, but he's basically an empty suit that is destined for a one way ticket back to Arkansas. Ultimately both parties will nominate candidates for the upcoming election. I'm going to predict the November pairing will be Obama v. Romney. I'm not objective, I very much hope Obama wins. If he does, this country will have reasons on many levels to be proud. We will have a deeply profound thinker and intellectually gifted orator. If Romney were to win, this country will have a president with a great head of hair and a contempt for varmints. The choice will be simple, hopefully the electorate will not be...